intimate

SHOULD I MARRY HER?

Dear Madam Tolu. I have something burning on my mind which I like to discuss with you ma.I’ve this lady that I love so much and she loves me too in returns. However she is a mother of two kids, her husband had problems and these problems eventually lead them to separation.In the first place, I used to advice her before she walk up to me one day that she developed feelings for me of which I also felt same way but I do not know how to pump this to her before she asked me out for an intimacy. We have started dating each other now but I need your advice if I can go on with her but take note of this “I am a single” and I am thinking of what my family member will say if they hear that I am in love with a mother of two kids. I am older than her for just 5 days.   ATTN. READERS: This blog is to give readers the opportunity to share their thought and experiences with the poster. Dr. Tolu is a professional relationship/marriage counselor and trained sex therapist, you can inbox her your question for public opinion on: info@intimacyclinic.org (IDENTITY WILL NOT BE DISCLOSED) or schedule a private appointment with her here: http://instantcounseling.net/service/

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MIND BLOWING SEX FACTS

 Sex Facts That Will Blow Your Mind Did you know that the clitoris is the only bodily organ that exists solely for sexual pleasure? And blue balls isn’t just a term made up by horny (and disgruntled) teenage boys? It’s actually a real problem!   Fact: The world’s largest recorded penis belongs to 41-year-old New Yorker Jonah Falcon, whose appendage measures 9.5 inches flaccid and 13.5 inches erect.   Fact: The person on top is likely to have a better orgasm   Fact: Its not about size but skills. Contrary to what men and women are led to believe, the size of a man’s penis fully erect is not really that important.   Fact: 12 weeks of yoga can improve arousal, orgasm and overall sexual satisfaction   Fact: The most mind-blowing sex comes with being in love with your partner.   Fact: Sex is a cure for headache. A study found that 60 percent of migraine sufferers reported that sex helped ease their pain.   Fact: The impulse to ejaculate comes from the spinal cord; no brain is needed.   Fact; There are about 8,000 nerve fibers end in the clitoris, which is twice as many as contained in the penis. As such, it is this area that most helps a woman reach orgasm   Fact: You burn 200 calories during 30 minutes of sex   Fact: The average speed of ejaculate during a male orgasm is 28 miles per hour   Fact: For those who are wondering if their grandparents and great-grandparents still have sexual intercourse, the overwhelming answer is yes. Approximately one third of women in their 80’s continue to have sex with their husband or boyfriend, so long as they are both in good enough physical health to do so.   Fact: The average male orgasm lasts six seconds; the average female orgasm lasts twenty seconds.   Fact: The left testicle usually hangs lower than the right for right-handed men. The opposite is true for lefties.   Fact: One out of every six Americans aged 14 to 49 has a genital herpes HSV-2 infection.     Fact: The most common cause of penile rupture is vigorous masturbation.   Fact: When two people kiss, they exchange between 10 million and 1 billion bacteria.   Fact: The average vagina is three to four inches long but can expand by 200 percent when sexually aroused. It’s an optimistic organ.   Fact: Despite what men claim, only 15 percent have a penis longer than seven inches. Only 3 percent have a penis more than eight inches long.   Fact: Orgasms can lower a woman’s risk of heart disease, stroke, breast cancer, and depression.

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MY HUSBAND HAS LOST INTEREST IN SEX

Good morning Dr. Tolu. The last time my husband touched me was nine months ago before i put to bed, I put to bed five months ago and up till today he has never touched me. When I had my first child, he couldn’t even wait for me to recover before demanding for sex, but this time around, I’m just living with him like a room mate. He doesn’t even come close to me. I’m just wondering what could be wrong, though I have not asked him. Could it be that I’m no longer attractive, is he loosing interest in me or could he be cheating, or maybe he just doesn’t want me to get pregnant, what do i do please.   ATTN. READERS: This blog is to give readers the opportunity to share their thought and experiences with the poster. Dr. Tolu is a professional relationship/marriage counselor and trained sex therapist, you can inbox her your question for public opinion on: info@intimacyclinic.org (IDENTITY WILL NOT BE DISCLOSED) or schedule a private appointment with her here: http://instantcounseling.net/service/

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DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN & WOMEN SEXUALITY

Understanding your wife will help you solve a lot of problem in your marriage, most men are ignorant of the way women are wired and this has resulted into a lot of troubles that is currently drifting their marriage apart. understanding her will help you to celebrate and appreciate your differences instead of fighting over it, in fact understanding these basic facts about your woman means more sex in the long run. Romance doesn’t come naturally to men but physical intimacy absolutely does. Men needs just a place to sleep with a woman but woman needs reasons, this is why there’s conflict of interest between couples when it comes to romance and love making. A lot of men are getting it wrong here. It is the duty of every man to meet the romantic needs of the wife. These are basic facts that men need to know about the women folks: 1. She will not desire sex just like you: because men and women are wired differently, she will not desire sex like you. This should not cause any problem that could result into bigger problem, but rather you should try and understand how to put her in the mood. 2. Testosterone, the hormone responsible for sex drive is about 20-40% higher in men, this explains why most time men naturally desires sex more than women, don’t blame it on the women blame it on the hormone. 3. Women are moved by what they hear and men what they see. she can be wowed by a sexy guy with six pack, but that will not make her get wet on a normal day, this is not the case with men, exposure to bare flesh can cause a lot of troubles. So when next you are in your short and she’s not drooling, don’t be surprised. 4. Women needs reasons to have sex, men need just a place. She’s not like you , and you have been wondering why she can just open her arms widely whenever you beckon in the night even when you have not spoken to her all evening. It doesn’t work that way, you need to appeal to her emotions before she can do it, she want to feel connected to you emotionally, sex to women is a serious business and not just a physical exercise, that is why its not the same when a man patronizes call girls.

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MASTERING THE ACT OF KISSING

INTRODUCTION As simple as it sounds, kissing can make or mar your marriage. Most of the big issues couples are struggling with in their marriages started with just a little act of ignorance. When a professional kisser or someone who is good in the act of kissing get married to someone who is an amateur or clueless in the act, you should expect a marriage full of nagging and turbulence, how manage, you said? Let me explain this….. Kissing is one of the few firs steps during the act of lovemaking, to a woman, love making is a gradual process, it’s like trying to push a car up a cliff, any attempt to withdraw during the process means the car sliding back to the foot of the cliff. The same way it is for women, women gradually build up romantic emotions till it reaches the peak call orgasm, any breach or negative action can ruin all the effort and quench all her eagerness within a second. So whenever a couple is trying to build the momentum of intimacy, a bad kisser will always ruin the day, because is going to be a turn off, at the end of the day, the woman might end up pretending, and having sex just for the sake of the husband even when she’s boiling inside. So, you can be sure that a woman who knows her onions in the act of kissing might never enjoy sex with a bad kisser, and because a sexually frustrated woman can never make a happy marriage, having a marriage full of turbulence like I earlier mentioned becomes inevitable. Even though, most immature men who haven’t learnt the act and beauty of taking it slow and steady during lovemaking want things to happen fast, to them and the matured ones, a bad kisser is also a turn off and a minus to the level of expected ecstasy. Kissing is a delicate way to show deep expression of love, it’s a sign of vulnerability, a very important ingredient of a stable relationship and marriage, kissing is a sign of saying I give you my all, I have nothing else to hide, I’m not holding anything back. Apart from the fact that it shows deep affection, its one romantic act that can be expressed intimately and openly at the same time. It is no doubt that kissing has taken the back stage in many homes especially in some part of the world where cultural, moral and religious views are ignorantly taken to the extreme. It’s a common notion that African men are particularly and naturally unromantic except he’s being compelled to, but it’s also a known fact that when he wants to be romantic, he’s good at it, and does his job very well. Another critical point is the ignorant nature of most women, not knowing what she want, clueless of how to express herself or ask for what she want, even when she knows it and the fear of being labeled “loose” is another reason for holding back the beautiful, nature behind the act of kissing. A research shows that it is possible for men to ejaculate through kissing, women can also achieve orgasm through the act of kissing, the enzymes released during this act can also help to promote bonding between couples, in the course of this workshop, we will talk about the unimaginable importance of this simple act that could help to bring back the spark in your marriage within minutes. Whether the last time you kissed was when the pastor said you may kiss the bride on your wedding day, or you left the romantic act of kissing at the hotel where you had your honeymoon, after this workshop, you will understand what you are missing and learn how to rekindle it. It doesn’t matter whether you or/and your spouse are bad kissers, or you don’t even understand the tricks and styles of being a good kisser, whether you have never kissed before does not matter and your level of ignorance is immaterial, by the end of this workshop, you can say good bye to a boring sex life, and dry kissing skills and start kissing like a pro! Why Kissing? People kiss for different reasons: Expression of gratitude Sign of respect Form of greetings Show of respect Act of friendship Act of foreplay The expression of the above listed gestures was believed to have brought about the act of kissing, but for the benefit of this workshop we will be dealing majorly with kissing as an act of foreplay, romantic gestures between couples or a part of lovemaking. You can join the next mastering the act of kissing workshop for couples by calling +2348184575377.

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LET MEN BE MEN!

It’s saddening the rate at which many ministers’ wives frustrate their husbands and paralyze their anointing due to their ignorance and nonchalant attitude towards their sexuality. The level of pretense and hypocrisy in church today has degenerated so drastically that something has to be done fast. I have counsel regional pastors who are masturbating, general overseers who has permanent girlfriends, ministers who are regular callers at prostitute brothels etc, but I understand that this is not edifying and it is not in my place to judge them as a clinical counselor, and I also know that if their churches learn about these escapades, it might be the end of their ministries. One general thing I find out about these men is the fact that, they all want to stop what they are doing, they are struggling to come out, but the mother in Israel , the mama, I mean their wives who are suppose to be helping them are totally lost in their ignorance. Yes, no reason is good enough to justify these acts, and I’m not denying the fact that women has the right to say no sometimes (with genuine excuse though), but one needs to walk in peoples shoes before judging them, these are men, we call them men of God, but there is men before the of God, they have blood running in their veins, they have hormones delicately wired in their system by God himself. Fine, the Holy Spirit is there to help subdue the flesh, but when a man is married, there are certain privileges he’s suppose to be enjoying, and there are acts and actions that need to be put up by the wife to keep things sparkling, these are marital principles that has their basis in the Bible. It’s a common saying that a man needs just a place to have sex why a woman needs a reason or reasons, sex and love doesn’t go hands in hand for men, a man can sleep with a woman without having any feelings whatsoever for her, his only aim is to satisfy his sexual urge. The argument of most ministers is the fact that a man that has been broken by the holy spirit should be able to put his flesh under control, it is true, but the journey will be smoother and easier with a cooperating and understanding wife, who knows how to give it to him without starving him sexually. As a minister’s wife, you will be saving him a lot of energy and stress by allowing him to balance up his sexual life. Some will rather spend their whole day tending to the pastor than attends to the needs of the husband, it is very wrong, the order is God-your husband-your pastor, it’s not the other way round, the pastor has his own wife and you will save your marriage a lot of headaches by doing things rightly. So many minister’s wives have pushed their husband to a journey of no return; God will not spare you when it comes to judging that man. So many have abandoned their roles as wives and are totally consumed by the fantasy of being a mama. Maybe you didn’t realize how many times you have made your husband to cry at night, you don’t consider the level of emotional and spiritual bondage you are keeping your man. He is your husband first before been someone’s pastors. So many have neglected their looks, allowing the husband to fantasize about female members knowing full well that the bible says if a man look lustfully he has already committed adultery. Stop using sex a s a weapon of warfare. You have made life so boring and frustrating for your husband that he doesn’t even look forward to coming home anymore. You have become a regular caller at the most popular prayer mountains casting and binding when all you need is simple romantic gesture to put your home back on track. At the end this book, things should change, a virtuous woman understands how to balance things up, screw your husband and make him beg for more, look and smell good for him, bring him back to you and make life beautiful again, it is achievable, it is not a sin. (c)ITWT2016. This is taken from my book, ministers wives and sexuality. Call: 08184575377 to order or for speaking engagements.

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SIMPLE STEPS IN MAKING LOVE TO A WOMAN

One of the commonest questions most men ask is how to make love to a woman, most men are confused because of the complexity of women sexuality, and many turn to friends or even pornography in the quest to learn how to satisfy their wife in bed. Some even make the mistake of comparing their ex to their wife, this has a way of complicating things, even though women has the same body part but the way they respond to sexual moves are different, so it’s very wrong to think Mrs. A will react exactly the way Mrs. B does. But in solving this complicated issue, there is a generalized step on what might interest women in bed, these includes: Get her in the mood: Putting her in the mood doesn’t start few minutes to the action, it has a lot to do with the mood in your marriage. The major reason having a steamy sex life in a bad marriage could be difficult. If you are looking forward to love making in the night, be nice to her during the day. 2. Use foreplay: According to research, about 75-85% of women will not achieve orgasm through mere penile penetration. Getting use to foreplay and understanding the pro and cons will make her scream. 3. Build eye to eye contact: Don’t try to jump straight into action without getting connected, whether you are working your way up or down, be sure to maintain eye contacts. Your five senses must be put to use during the act of love making. 4. Stimulate her vagina (cunninlingus): No clitorial stimulation, no orgasm says a renowned international sex therapist. In fact, penile penetration will only be enjoyed in a position that brushes the clitoris while thrusting. The vagina is one place you must learn to do right. 5. Tease her: tickle, bite gently and say funny things that will make her giggle. 6. Start gently and build up intensity: Slow and steady wins the race in understanding the act of love making for a woman. 7. Make her feel connected: If she cant get connected to you, she will never enjoy it. Women need reasons to make love while men need just a place. THE DON’TS 1. Don’t try too many styles, keep it simple as possible. 2. Do not go to sleep immediately after making love to her. After making love to her, spend time laughing and talking to together, no matter how difficult. 3. Do not enter her until she is very wet. Ensure that you spend extensive amount of time on foreplay and make her wet. 4. Don’t rush 5. Don’t make negative comments about her body. 6. Don’t be selfish 7. Don’t pull/ push her head down 8. Don’t handle the breast like a carpenter, its not a balloon. Has sex taken the backstage in your marriage or you are finding it difficult to spice things up? Schedule appointment with Dr. Tolu,a trained sex therapist, by calling 08035037992 or here: http://instantcounseling.net/service/

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HOW TO STOP CHEATING

Are you cheating on your partner and want to stop it? Read on to find how you can stop cheating and be loyal. Cheating used to be a man thing, but these days, more and more women are getting involved in this act. Eve though there are factors that can trigger cheating, no reason or excuse is good for cheating, and no one should accept responsibility for a cheating spouse, he/she cheated because he/she wanted to . The fact that cheating is becoming popular doesn’t make it right. Maybe you are married or in a love relationship and everything is working just fine. One fine day you meet an old crush, friend or a lover and are overwhelmed with nostalgia. You begin by sending text messages, making phone calls and exchanging emails in the name of friendship and enjoy it too. It brings a fresh feeling to your life that is run out of romance. Before you realize you fall into another relationship that can turn your world upside down. To avoid such heart breaking situations and stop cheating on your partner, read on and collect yourself. How does cheating begin? You have met someone new and the chemistry between you two sends out sparks. You love spending time with this person and would give up almost anything for another meeting or date. You start neglecting your present partner, do not have time for them and suddenly start losing interest. The friendship with the significant other is blossoming in to a full blown affair. In your heart you know it is wrong but do not accept it. You start finding faults with your present relationship to justify your affair. You get into an extra marital affair and soon you are cheating on your partner. Controlling your feelings seems impossible. Although you may feel guilty you continue your affair. Why is it difficult to give up cheating? It is hard to give up cheating because it is like an addiction. You know there is something that is bad but you like it. It is fulfilling some need. For example, if you seek intellectual stimulation and your partner is not providing that, you may find yourself getting attracted to somebody who is brainy and fulfills your mental needs. Every little text message, every call and every meeting becomes special, even if it is not going anywhere in the future. Your needs, emotional or physical, are being met by somebody else and you will find it difficult to give it up since you find it difficult to let go off all the stimulation and need fulfillment. You cannot suddenly deal with a vacuum within you. That is why you may find it very difficult to stop cheating. How to stop cheating and stay faithful Difficult as it may feel and be, it is not an impossible task. Even after one quits smoking, he goes through painful feelings but certainly survives. You will live too, that too a good life. Stopping yourself from cheating can mean saving lot of trouble and instability. You have to stop something that is wrong. Here are a few ways that can help you stop cheating and stay faithful to your partner. Avoid constant messaging and phone calls Remember you have a partner who loves you Avoid thinking what it could be and what you do not have Control your urge to meet up for just one last time, even if it is to end Call up your ‘other’ or email that you cannot be in the relationship Remember it is not over until it is over Talk to your husband or wife about what you expect from your relationship Avoid waiting for the right moment to stop cheating. Just do it Imagine what will be the consequences if you are found out Concentrate towards making your present relationship better Meet long lost friends or new ones along with your girlfriend or boyfriend Count your blessings and you will see that life has treated you well Avoid criticizing and comparing your partner Avoid comparing your situation with the movies. You are for real Show respect towards your partner’s trust and emotions Spend more time with your partner. Do special things Avoid being negative about your relationship or married life Share with your partner if you are not happy about something. It works Consult a therapist or relationship expert if everything else fails In the journey of life you will meet many people, far richer and more beautiful or handsome than your partner. Every time you meet one, you might meet another who is even better. There will always be temptations beckoning you towards themselves. But remember, no one is perfect, not even you. No one person can fulfill all your needs. So stop being judgmental and focus on making your relationship better, and remember you are not an animal who doesn’t have control over your urge or emotions. Avoid looking around for new people; it will only create discontent within your heart. Being loyal is not about not being attracted, but remembering you have a loving partner, every time you get attracted.

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Funke Akindele officially weds JJC Skillz in London.

Funke Akindele officially weds JJC Skillz in London. There have been speculations that top Nollywood actress, Funke Akindele got married to music star JJC Skillz (Abdulrasheed Bello), but now, according to ph360.co, we can tell you for sure that the couple got married in London on Tuesday, August 23. According to Stella Dimokokorkus, the wedding took place in London and thereafter a dinner was organized as few guests were invited to celebrate with the couple. Amongst the guests were JJC’s sister and her son-in-law Tunde Babalola, who attended with his wife and son. It is indeed a double celebration for Funke Akindele-Bello (FAB) as she celebrates her birthday and her new marital status. Congratulations Mr and Mrs Bello!

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HOW TO BE A BETTER LOVER IN BED

HOW TO BE A BETTE LOVER IN BED Someone once said that men are from Mars while women are from Pluto. When it comes to sexual satisfaction, getting it right with women could be tiresome for some men who are selfish when it comes to bedmatics. Most of the time arousal comes before desire for women and the opposite is the case for most men, this contradictions can create a huge gap if not well managed and most time might result to the man being termed selfish. However, if you have ever been referred to as a selfish lover by a woman, you know that it hits a little closer to home. Every man wants to be successful – in life, as well as in bed. So if a woman is complaining that you are too selfish during sex, it’s time to take stalk of the situation. Ultimately, being selfish means knowing how to keep your self happy. In the worst case, however, selfishness can mean satisfying yourself at the cost of others’ unhappiness. When it comes to being a selfish lover, more often than not, men get away with a lot. Men’s selfishness in bed is often associated with their inability to control themselves when faced with extremely sexy situations. Most women appreciate the fact that men usually climax easier and sooner than they do. But if you are trying to sustain a long term sexual relationship with a woman, eventually your selfishness will come back to haunt you. So how can you tell if you are a selfish lover, or if your woman is just extremely hard to please? It is important to consider the following questions: 1. When you initiate sex do you aim to please her as much as yourself? 2. Do you have an idea of what exactly she wants and how she wants it? 3. If she is not quite in the mood, do you make an effort during foreplay to excite her? 4. Throughout intercourse, do you focus on achieving your own climax, or do you try to encourage her and share in the excitement together? If you answered no to any or all of these questions, you may be a selfish lover with a potential woman problem on your hands. Yet before you re-evaluate your own selfish ways, you must also gauge how picky or demanding a woman is when it comes to sexual encounters. 1. Does she complain that you made no effort or finished too quickly, even though she achieved orgasm – or at least appeared to do so? 2. Does she make less effort than you in bed and always blame you when the experience is not satisfying in the end? 3. Do you sometimes feel like no matter what you do, she is just not easy to please in bed, or otherwise? Women are generally more high maintenance than men in life and in bed, but if the woman you are with makes it impossible for both of you to enjoy sex together – it might be time for her to change her ways rather than you. That said, there are some small adjustments that you can make which will help you become a less selfish lover. It comes down to three traits that are easy to acquire with just a little practice: appreciation, openness, and energy. Keeping these few points in mind will help you to be a better lover in bed: Appreciation: When it comes to being less selfish in bed, appreciation of your partner is essential. In order to appreciate your partners’ sexuality, you need to feel a certain level of physical attraction to her. If your attraction wanes or you find it difficult to sustain it, it is going to be difficult to appreciate her and make a greater effort during sex. So chose your partners wisely, and when you feel that the spark is missing, make it a point of duty to try to re-ignite it. 2. Attraction: If attraction is not an issue, than appreciation of her sexuality should not be either. However, everyone is different, and sometimes even though you are attracted to a woman, you have an even greater urge to satisfy yourself. If you intend to carry on a long term relationship with her, try to turn the tables and shift your attention towards her sexuality rather than your own. 3. She comes first: Rather than rushing her, If you make the effort to please her every so often – most women would be happy to achieve complete sexual satisfaction once a week – you will likely be able to maintain a healthy and satisfying relationship for an extended period of time. 4. Openness: The next essential trait to develop in order to become a less selfish lover is openness. Chances are, if your woman is calling you selfish in bed and she seems genuinely concerned about it, your lack of attention to her needs will lead to the end of the relationship. But if you are open to discussing your sexual needs, they are more likely to show significant improvement. For example, if your woman complained after the last time you had sex, maybe you should commence the next session by asking her exactly what she wants you to do to her, and demanding that she give you an answer. 5. Communication: If she is interested in improving your sex life together, she will make an effort to communicate rather than just complain about your shortcomings. On your part, it is important to be open to discussion about changing some of your selfish ways, which may be difficult in the start, but pay off huge in the end. 6. Invest your energy: Becoming a less selfish lover involves one final component: energy. You must take time to evaluate how much energy you are willing to expend on improving your ‘moves’. You must also assess whether the energy you put into reforming is a response to her complaints

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