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SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER IDENTITY

GENDER AND SEX Generally, what comes to people’s minds when they are attributing meaning to the word ‘gender’ is sex (male and female). Sex and gender are two different concepts and mean different things. Sex is the physical, biological, natural and physical difference between women and men. Gender refers to the social and psychological dimension of being female or male. It refers to whether people are born female or male. Gender is the expectations people have from someone or society because they are female or male. Usually, attitudes and behaviors attributed to gender are learned from the society and the concept can change over time. GENDER AND SEXUAL IDENTITY Often time, people usually misunderstood gender identity and sexual identity. Sexual orientation is an inherent or immutable enduring emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to other people. While Gender Identity is one’s innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither – how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. One’s gender identity can be the same or different from their sex assigned at birth. TERMS & TERMINOLOGIES Gender – denotes the public (and usually legally recognized) lived role as boy or girl, man or woman. Biological factors combined with social and psychological factors contribute to gender development. Assigned gender – refers to a person’s initial assignment as male or female at birth. It is based on the child’s genitalia and other visible physical sex characteristics. Gender-atypical – refers to physical features or behaviors that are not typical of individuals of the same assigned gender in a given society. Gender-nonconforming – refers to behaviors that are not typical of individuals with the same assigned gender in a given society. Gender reassignment – denotes an official (and usually legal) change of gender. Gender identity – is a category of social identity and refers to an individual’s identification as male, female, or, occasionally, some category other than male or female. It is one’s deeply held core sense of being male, female, some of both or neither, and does not always correspond to biological sex. Gender dysphoria – as a general descriptive term refers to an individual’s discontent with the assigned gender. It is more specifically defined when used as a diagnosis. Transgender – refers to the broad spectrum of individuals who transiently or persistently identify with a gender different from their gender at birth. (Note: the term transgendered is not generally used.) Transsexual – refers to an individual who seeks, or has undergone, a social transition from male to female or female to male. In many, but not all, cases this also involves a physical transition through cross-sex hormone treatment and genital surgery (sex reassignment surgery). Genderqueer – blurring the lines around gender identity and sexual orientation. Genderqueer individuals typically embrace a fluidity of gender identity and sometimes sexual orientation. Gender fluidity – having different gender identities at different times. Agendered – ‘without gender,’ individuals identifying as having no gender identity. Cisgender – describes individuals whose gender identity or expression aligns with the sex assigned to them at birth. Gender expansiveness – conveys a wider, more flexible range of gender identity and/or expression than typically associated with the binary gender system. Gender expression – the manner in which a person communicates about gender to others through external means such as clothing, appearance, or mannerisms. This communication may be conscious or subconscious and may or may not reflect their gender identity or sexual orientation. The following are the 58 gender options identified by ABC News: Agender Androgyne Androgynous Bigender Cis Cisgender Cis Female Cis Male Cis Man Cis Woman Cisgender Female Cisgender Male Cisgender Man Cisgender Woman Female to Male FTM Gender Fluid Gender Nonconforming Gender Questioning Gender Variant Genderqueer Intersex Male to Female MTF Neither Neutrois Non-binary Other Pangender Trans Trans* Trans Female Trans* Female Trans Male Trans* Male Trans Man Trans* Man Trans Person Trans* Person Trans Woman Trans* Woman Transfeminine Transgender Transgender Female Transgender Male Transgender Man Transgender Person Transgender Woman Transmasculine Transsexual Transsexual Female Transsexual Male Transsexual Man Transsexual Person Transsexual Woman Two-Spirit SEXUAL IDENTITY Lesbian- Broadly and historically speaking, “lesbian” has been defined as a woman who is attracted to other women. Bisexual- LeClaire defines bisexuality as an attraction to more than one gender. While the prefix “bi” means two, LeClaire said that modern understanding of bisexuality encompasses attraction to more than just two genders. Pansexual- Pansexuality and bisexuality can often be used interchangeably. Merriam-Webster defines pansexuality as “of, relating to, or characterized by sexual desire or attraction that is not limited to people of particular gender identity or sexual orientation.” “Some people also like to differentiate pansexuality as meaning that you don’t really see gender or that doesn’t even play even as a slight role in your sexual attraction,” LeClaire said. “I think everyone kind of defines that for themselves, really.” Gay- Historically, gay is used for men who are attracted to men. Asexual- The term “asexual” broadly refers to someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction or desire for sex. Demisexual,- which also refers to conditional sexual attraction, generally to someone the individual knows very well. “You have developed a rapport with them, you’ve developed maybe like a loving friendship and you tend to only feel sexual attraction under those conditions,” LeClaire said. Allosexual- Allosexuality is the converse of asexuality; it means you have sexual attraction and desire sex, Heterosexuality- is often known as being “straight.” The LGBTQIA Resource Center at UC Davis defines heterosexuality as a “sexual orientation in which a person feels physically and emotionally attracted to people of a gender other than their own.” Monosexual- Monosexuality is the attraction to one gender. Lesbian or gay can fall under this category, according. People who identify as exclusively heterosexual can also be considered monosexual, as they are attracted to one gender. Polysexual- Polysexuality means to be attracted to many different types of genders, but not all genders, according to Robinson. Queer- Queer is a catchall term that encompasses any identity outside of

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THE BENEFITS OF KISSING

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A kiss, being pleasurable and fun, is also an important activity, especially to married couples and those that are in a relationship. Often times, a kiss is deemed a perfect gesture when no amount of words could express one’s feelings. Kisses on specific body parts have different specific meanings. Moreover, expressing oneself can also be interpreted through different kissing styles. A kiss may also be an act of respect rather than an endearment. For almost all married couples and people who are in relationships, kissing is something sensual similar to an act of foreplay. Moreover, it also gives a relationship that special spark. Whether it’s planted on the forehead, cheek, hand, or any other body part, it’s always a way of telling someone that the person feels affection towards the other. Furthermore, a kiss is also an expression of gratefulness, celebration, or even grief. 19 Aside from the message that you want to convey in every passionate kiss, medical professionals have also pointed out that kissing can be beneficial to our health. A kiss can help give us a strong heart, while also helping to smooth our skin. In addition, kissing can also help us in relieving pain and avoiding infections. It is a great way to loosen up your muscles and relieve stress after a hard day’s work. It certainly has soothing effects to both the kisser and the one being kissed. A kiss can spice up relationships despite the lack of words. It can even help you to maintain a healthy body. Certainly, kissing is one of the most powerful gestures ever known to man, or woman. Kissing Your Health Problems Goodbye It is true that a kiss is not just a kiss. Aside from the fun and sensual elements, it also brings multiple health benefits. A number of medical studies have validated that kissing can help lead the body to the path of wellness. So, what does smooching do for our bodies? Below are just a few of the many advantages: • It can greatly reduce stress. – Passionately kissing the love of your life can boost your self-esteem, lower stress hormones, and give you inner peace. Kissing 20 produces an increase in the body’s production of a calming hormone called oxytocin. It helps the body to burn calories. – Frequent kissers can now bid goodbye to food cutback and say hello to a kissing diet. Just like exercise, it helps you burn calories and lower your cholesterol level, resulting in a boost to your metabolism. It keeps the cardiovascular system healthy. – Kissing helps your heart by pumping more blood. It also helps lower your blood pressure. It acts as a pain reliever. – Whether it is a headache or a toothache, kissing helps relieve the pain due to the presence of an anesthetic in our saliva. Furthermore, kissing produces endorphins which are more powerful than morphine. It can extend life expectancy. – Don’t leave home without a kiss. According to statistics, a goodbye kiss before going out of the house can increase your lifespan by five years. It fights off infection. – Note that during kissing, salivating produces natural antibiotics that fight off infections. Medical studies have shown that people engaged in frequent kissing will have less exposure to stomach, bladder, and blood infections. 21 • It helps to smooth our skin. – Kissing helps exercise our facial muscles by keeping the facial skin tight and smooth, thereby preventing sagging cheeks and wrinkles.

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Expatriates & Relocation Counseling

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Even though English is her official language, Nigeria is one of the most linguistically diverse countries in the world, with over 500 languages spoken. The diverse cultures and numerous ethnicity added to the beauty of the giant of Africa, Nigeria. Nigerians are naturally happy and friendly people, always happy even in the face of economic hardship and political instability. Popularly referred to as the giant of Africa, the survivor of most economies in Africa especially, west Africa are indirectly dependent on Nigeria. The oil-rich country has not been able to get it right in the area of leadership and these have created a lot of instability and unrest as well as terrorism in the northern part of the country. Against all odd, Nigerians still enjoy their Jollof(arguably the best jollof rice in the world), and will always enjoy life to the fullest during their ‘Owanbe’. Nigerians ceremonies are always large and loud, weddings are like carnivals and burial ceremony, house warming or baby dedication are celebrated like Christmas. There is never a dull moment in Nija! Looking at Nigerians lifestyles and ways of life, settling down in the country as an expatriate coming from a different background, cultural orientation and upbringing might be a bit destabilizing. This is why it is necessary to walk hands in hands with a professional counselor who not only understands the Nigeraisn culture but can also help expatriates navigate through the processes of resettlement, both physically and psychologically. In my years of practices as a certified clinical Cpounsleors and sex therapist, I have helped many expatriates dealing with the psychological impact of relocation to a diverse and unique environment like Nigeria. Most of the commonest issues they bring to therapy are, Marital and relationship issues, trauma, anxiety and loneliness, sexual and intimacy issues, Culture shock and mild depression, etc. Most of these issues are as a result of spouses finding it difficult to settle down properly, when they have to relocate in support of their partners who might havrejust gotten a job. Aparat from professional supports, Counselors could also guide expatriates in navigating the Day to day activities from getting accommodation, to grocery shopping, to making new friends, finding the right school, and locating recreatinaola activities. New in Nigeria, or just landed your dream job in this land of opportunities as an expatriates? Or you have been living in Nigerian and struggling with personal issues requiring confidentiality and profession therapy, the right thing to do is to book an appointment with Intimacy Clinic. At Intimacy clinic, we use professional counseling skills and therapeutic interventions to help our clients. Corporate organisations in need of counseling and psychotherapy can also reach out to us for possible retainership arrangement.

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SEX FACTS ABOUT MEN

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Freud called female sexuality “the dark continent”; if that’s true, male sexuality could qualify as the dark planet. But when it comes to sex, guys are simple, right? Not true. The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, and as such, what you see and hear is typically the role, not the reality. It’s no wonder, in trying to please the actor, a woman loses sight of a guy’s true identity. Here are 10 “unmasking” facts you may want to know: We Respond to Praise It’s believed that men are so consumed by our libido that we have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But men are no different from women when it comes to compliments as catalysts for sexual confidence. This praise can be delivered before reaching the bedroom (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look), and after (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look naked). Along those lines, men worry about the size of their guts (and other measurable organs), their hair (or lack thereof) and other attributes. Try to be extra affirming about those sensitivities. We Fear Intimacy… …but not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins—of words, thoughts, feelings—and our desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men—not because it’s smothering, but because we realize how desperate we are for it. What’s a woman to do? First, understand that your guy’s hasty retreat post-sex may be about his own shock at how much he craves a connection with you (and how much he’s denied it in life). Then, retreat a little yourself. This gives him time to see that his boyhood habits are, in fact, perfectly manly. We Appreciate Sex for Sex’s Sake Having said that about intimacy, sometimes a little “throw-me-down sex” is the right medicine. According to Joe Kort, PhD, a psychotherapist and sexologist, “Men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally. For men, it’s not about dominating a woman, but ravishing her.” On occasion, try letting him ravish you. We Are Not Just Our… The penis gets all the press, but men have “many erogenous zones,” says psychologist Melodie Schaefer, PsyD. “Men tend not to correct women because they’re afraid women will shut down and not touch them at all. But there are many places a woman should touch.” Like the chest, the inner thighs and face. Two other key areas: Gently gripping a man’s testicles can be a real turn-on, as it blends control with release. Also, stimulating the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, will heighten pleasure during oral sex. We Encourage Fantasies “Men want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them,” says Dr. Kort. Similarly, Dr. Schaefer reports that men wish women would reveal their imaginings. Want to open yourself to these possibilities? Try making a game of it. First, and most important, promise not to judge the other; then, privately write out scenarios that have tantalized you and place them in a box. When you are next intimate, pull one out. If you’re both comfortable, give it a shot. If not, Dr. Kort recommends asking the author a key question: What about this fantasy do you like? Sometimes, its themes can be addressed in different, more comfortable scenarios. We Like It When You Talk Talking during sex stimulates more than our ears. What kind of talk? Dirty, praising and instructive are great starts. As amusing as it may sound, a woman’s words can make a guy feel as potent and virile as a Roman gladiator, even if he’s a suburban banker. We Need Your Honesty Sex can solve the stresses of a relationship, but it’s often where the stresses show up. If we complain about a lack of sex (or your doing certain things only on our birthday), we may be overlooking serious issues that underpin such withholding. We need you to enlighten us. The male ego is often tied to sex, so it’s easy for us to dismiss bedroom problems as female disinterest rather than issues we have a part in. Avoiding these problems, however, only perpetuates your feeling unseen and our frustration. We Enjoy the Dance Men like a good quest; unfortunately, these days, there are so few. But romance earns that distinction. Allow us to court you; make us deserve your desire. Dr. Kort makes an additional point: “Emotional intimacy is about closeness, but sustaining sexual desire demands a certain amount of distance.” How do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner to have what he calls “separate sexuality”: a sexual life that doesn’t include, but doesn’t betray, the other. “For him, that might mean allowing his wife to use toys or letting other men look at her; for her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy.” Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties. We Can Explain Pornography Finding a spouse using pornography is a top reason couples seek counsel, says Dr. Kort, but it shouldn’t be overreacted to or pathologized. A few things to clear up: 1. Sex addicts represent only 4 percent of the population, so it’s unlikely your man is one. 2. Because childhood experiences influence sexuality as an adult, people are very idiosyncratic about what turns them on. In other words, says Dr. Kort, “no woman can, nor should she, be everything to a man.” Still, the question remains: How does a woman not take pornography personally? First, determine if your mate is compulsive, or can only have sex, with pornography. If so, you may want to seek counseling. If not, Dr. Kort recommends taking the secrecy out of pornography by discussing it. Use the lens of “what

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HOW TO TOAST A WOMAN

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As popular as dating websites are, every year a minimum of one thousand new dating website is being created worldwide. Online dating statistics shows that 20% of those in committed relationship began online and 7% of marriages in 2015 were between couples that met on a dating website. Why is it that we have just 7% of marriages? This statistics shows that against popular belief, people still need one on one interaction to get to meet new people or to meet the person they like. We are all whom we are by conditioning, either by our society, family, culture, religious background, etc. and also the type of training we were exposed to while growing up. It is therefore important to note that over dependence on social media could lead to poor social and interpersonal skills which could make people prone to depression, suicide, exposure to pornography, and even sexual dysfunction. This means that interpersonal skills and social skills are gradually being eroded in our society today because people stay behind their phones to chat, talk, transact business, network, etc. and what this does is it reduces how we interact and relate with people physically because we have gotten used to everything being done with our phones. We would notice these days that people also use their phones to express their bad or negative side, by leaving bad comments on people’s pages, throttling people and doing all sorts on social media. Working on our interpersonal skills to enable us learn how to meet or talk to someone one on one, rather than rely so much on social media and end up not knowing how to approach the opposite sex or even maintaining a relationship peradventure. It is high time parents start watching what their children consume online, especially when they are being handed a mobile device, parents should make sure they teach them how to meet and relate with people by creating opportunities for them to interact with other people by taking them out so as improve their interpersonal skills, rather than allowing them lock themselves up in the room free of interaction with people. Back in the days where social media wasn’t as popular as it is now, people would talk and interact with other people one on one and still it was difficult for a man to toast a lady. Now, toasting a lady might sound so simple, but there are a lot of men that find it very difficult to look at a lady eye ball to eye ball, or to say hello to a woman or to even ask them out on a date. There is something in every man that makes them want to get that woman they desire, thereby strategizing on how to go about it and the feeling of accomplishment whenever they finally get that woman they desire and this is part of what boosts a man’s ego. Also for women, there is something that always makes them desire the attention of a man and there’s a kind of feeling a woman gets when she is being toasted or asked out by a man even though she doesn’t like the man or maybe she is married. She still feels that she is attractive, beautiful and still “got it” whenever she is being approached by a man. How do you make it easy to toast a woman? It is important to note that money is not everything and you don’t have to always use it to toast a lady. The belief that making a whole lot of money before toasting a woman or going into a relationship should be countered as it is not all women that have that as their criteria. Therefore a man should learn how to improve his interpersonal skills, his social skills, learn how to win a woman’s heart and how to win her to his side. This when done, boosts a man’s ego and makes him feel like he is on top of the world. Overcome your fear of rejection. This can be done by telling yourself it is okay to be rejected, you need to psyche yourself, you need to accept that everyone doesn’t have to like you and every lady doesn’t have to say yes to you. Men should work on this fact and learn how to move on from when they are being rejected before starting to approach women. For most men that find it hard to toast a lady, the problem is looking at a lady and thinking she is too beautiful or too big or too rich for you, etc. so you think she will definitely say no to you, which shouldn’t be an issue. Thus, the best way to overcome your fear of rejection is to understand that it is okay to be rejected. How then do you know if a lady is going to reject you if you don’t take that step to talk to her and even if she makes jest of you and throw bad words at you, dust that off and move to the next person. Before you talk to 6 or more people, someone will definitely say yes to you and you never can tell if the first person would be the one to say yes. Try to make her a friend first instead of going directly to toasting her. First get close to her, make her your friend and then it will be easy to take it to the next step. While doing this don’t be too carried away to allow a lady friend zone you or refer to you as a brother and don’t get too comfortable being friends with her when you know the motive of making friends with her in the first place. Do a bit of research about her. Social media has made things easy when it comes to finding out about someone. Do a bit of research about her; her kind of friends, her likes and dislikes, what she does for a

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Different Types Of Female Orgasm?

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Women’s sexuality is very complex compared to men’s, which is why it is sometimes hard for a woman to enjoy sex or have orgasm. Thus, men should put extra effort and learn the skills to make their spouse achieve orgasm. Also when it comes to sex and love making, sex is very deep and it could be extreme and if one keeps looking for more sexual pleasures by trying to get to the depth of sex, you could dehumanize yourself and your life can be lost when trying out those complicated and complex things. There are healthy ways that is so interesting to achieve sexual desires, and below are some of the types of female orgasm; Clitoral orgasm. About 75% of women will not reach orgasm with penile penetration and for some women penetration is just an icing on the cake for them. If a man is wondering where to touch or what to do to make a woman reach orgasm, he should understand and learn about the clitoral orgasm because the clitoris is the center of enjoyment for women. Women should also take time to understand and discover themselves and their bodies and know what they really like and what works for them so as to be able to communicate it to their spouse. Clitoral orgasm can be easily achieved by gently licking, sucking or fingering the clitoris to derive pleasure. It also require special skills and taking one’s time around the clitoris; moving from the lap, to the bum, to the labia, while brushing through the clitoris gently and by the time you are coming back to the clitoris, it is already swollen and begging for attention and the woman is already aroused. Clitoral orgasm is very interesting and a lot of women find it easy to achieve clitoral orgasm. G-spot orgasm. The g-spot is located about 2 to 3 inches inside a woman’s vagina, at the root or top of the vagina. G-spot orgasm can be achieved by dipping a finger or 2 inside a woman’s vagina. A woman can get an explosive orgasm by fingering her while touching the clitoris. For so many women that achieve orgasm through penetration, what happens is that while the man is thrusting, he’s able to touch the g-spot thereby making a woman reach orgasm. There are certain positions that could help you touch the g-spot while having sex and sometimes when you decide to change positions during sex and you notice something feels good, then maintain that position. Blended orgasm. This is when you are able to stimulate 2 parts of the woman’s body at the same time to achieve orgasm. Stimulation and caressing works a lot for women to achieve orgasm and taking time to take care of the body before diving or penetrating into the vagina does it for a lot of women. When doing this, you will need both of your hands and your eyes. Multiple orgasms. This could be serial (having an orgasm and picking it up again to have another) or sequential (having an orgasm and taking your time before having another) Women have the capacity to orgasm back to back unlike men that have to take their time before achieving another orgasm. Sleepgasm. This type of orgasm occurs when you asleep and for some people, it could wake you up when it happens. Sleepgasm cannot be learnt or tried, it happens on its own especially when you are in a relaxed state or when your underwear comes in continuous contact with your clitoris. For some people it could happen as a result of watching or reading some dirty or sexual contents before going to bed. Cervical or C-spot orgasm. This happens as a result of deep penetrating sex and when the penis touches the opening of the cervix. Some people use toys to achieve this type of orgasm and the only disadvantage is being prone to infection while trying to use toys. Also for those that have partners with XL penis, it is very easy to achieve cervical orgasm. U-spot or urethra orgasm. The urethra is not only for peeing, it is surrounded by some of the hidden parts of the clitoris and there are beautiful nerves ending that are centered on the urethra. When the urethra is well stimulated, blood rushes to the erectile tissue which can result to ejaculation or squirting. Urethra orgasm is very good for those that like to squirt and what you need to do is deep penetration that allows you touch the opening of the urethra. Most people also achieve u-spot orgasm with urethra toys. A-spot or anterior fornix erogenous orgasm. This is located right above the cervix, around the belly button and it can be achieved with deep penetration and with some certain styles. Nipple orgasm. The nipple is like a small clitoris because it is also made up of nerves ending. For some people, the nipple can be such a turn on for them and they can achieve orgasm by merely touching their nipple. Coregasm or exercise induced orgasm. This is induced by exercises that are focused on trimming the tummy and firming the tummy muscle. This could happen shortly after the exercise or during the exercise. Exercising is good to keep a healthy sexual life and also helps to be sexually active. Expanded sexual response. Not every woman can experience this type of orgasm and those that experience the ESR have multiple prolonged intense and highly sensual orgasms at the same time.

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HAPPY NATIONAL ORGASM DAY LADIES

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Hey Beautiful, Remember to treat yourself to a good dose of orgasm today, it’s national Orgasm Day baby, and it’s gonna be a long night….. National orgasm day is usually celebrated on the 31st of July in most countries across the world, include UK and America. To celebrate the day, here is one amazing fact you need to know about orgasm: There’s a type of orgasm called the U-SPOT ORGASM. Have you been trying to squirt without result, make sure you achieve u-spot orgasm and all you will have to do is have a towel handy. Your urethra isn’t just for peeing, when a woman is aroused through the stimulation of the urethra, blood rushes to the tissue surrounding the opening of the urethra and this can result in explosive orgasms that brings about squirting. The question is, how do you stimulate the urethra? The good news is that your clitoris actually extends to the urethra, so stimulating the clitoris could lead to urethra stimulation but not in all cases. Certain positions could also help the penis to do the job and of course urethral vibratory. But before you insert anything, remember the urethra can be prone to infection.

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FILLING YOUR EMOTIONAL VACUUM

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A bad relationship can make one’s life miserable; therefore we need unending support from family members, friends, lovers, etc. Living life without a proper support system could be frustrating, and could be worse if it comes to intimate relationship where you are lonely and wish you had someone to show you all the affection you need. Most couple tends to outgrow their emotions and expression of what they feel for each other. Love is an action word; it should be shown and expressed by our actions. It is important for humans to crave love and affection, most especially from loved ones; we want to hear how we are cared for and loved unconditionally. The power of touch is therefore important as it expresses our love and care to others; children who missed the power of touch in their early childhood could grow up to be bullies or have a lot of paraphillic symptoms, ADHD, etc. all these could happen by simply not telling our children we love them when we ought to or drawing them closer often or when need be. This also apply to adults in long relationships that have outgrown how to express their love and affection towards their partners, which includes kissing, hugging and telling them you love them from time to time. Unfortunately for couples, they tend to get carried away and don’t express how they care about each other, thereby affecting their mental health in the long run. Relationship is very important and needs to be taken seriously, we need to start making deliberate effort to take care of people around us, and we need to express our love and affection to those around us and our loved ones. It is possible in a relationship for one party, which is mostly the woman to be the only one depositing in a relationship, i.e. showing affection, care, always checking up on the other party, making effort to ensure that their sexual life is blooming, giving all round support, making sure the relationship bond is strong, ensuring the other party gets all he desires, etc. Men that fails to deposit in relationship as most women does require love and affection at some point in their lives, which could be at their lowest point/vulnerable moment and because they have not been contributing or depositing into their relationship, it is very easy to get carried away by cheating on their partners, making costly mistakes, getting anxious, or even falling into depression. Because the place they are supposed to refuel from is empty as a result of not fulfilling their own part of the deposit in the relationship they are in. Whatever you give is what you get, and when it comes to marriage, it is 100% deposit from both parties. Depositing kisses, warmth, love, words of encouragement, good sex, orgasm, support, affection, etc. so that when your system is down and asking for all the above mentioned, you can always have something to fall back on and pick up from. Both men and women are vulnerable and when there is lack of love and affection from your partner, there is a tendency to get carried away and try to fulfill your desires somewhere else.

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POSSIBLE REMEDIES FOR PREMATURE EJACULATION

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As earlier stated, research have shown that 95% of premature ejaculation problem is psychological while 5% is physiologically related; hence the focus on dealing with the psychological factors. Below are some of the possible remedies for premature ejaculation; Using withdrawal method. As much as we are aware that some women don’t reach orgasm quickly like men do, it is important for men to master the art of foreplay to prolong their erection. Gone are the days when women don’t complain about their lack of satisfaction when it comes to sex because most of them see it as a duty back then, now the tables have turn and women now want to enjoy sex. So engaging in foreplay has a way of helping men delay their ejaculation, thereby making the woman enjoy sex by reaching orgasm and making the man maintain erection. Wear a condom. Condoms helps men reduce the sensitivity of their genitals, this doesn’t mean the pleasure you get from wearing a condom is different from when you don’t wear one. It is ideal for anyone battling with premature ejaculation to start wearing a condom so as to prolong erection. Change your positions often. Start engaging in different positions you’re so not used to because the easy positions gets you to the peak of pleasure thereby causing early ejaculation and lack of satisfaction on the woman’s part. For example the traditional missionary style which is known to make men ejaculate easily and early. Engage in kegel exercises. This is also known as pelvic-floor exercise which is known to strengthen the vagina muscles and not limited to women only. This is done by holding your pelvic floor muscle for some seconds when feeling the urge to urinate which can be done several times in a day and anywhere. The more this is practiced, the more a man will be able to delay ejaculation. Research have shown that most men who practice kegel exercise start lasting longer after about 12 weeks of this consistent practice. Focus your thought on something unrelated to sex during the act of love making. Without your partner getting to notice that your attention is divided, shift your thought onto something that isn’t sex related for a few seconds as this will delay your ejaculation. Men should learn how to balance this so as not to lose concentration while making love. Communication. While a man is trying to deal with his premature ejaculation, communicating the problem to his partner is very important as it makes the woman aware of the reason for her partner’s poor erection, rather than mixing concoctions to drink and having all sort of aphrodisiacs without the knowledge of the woman. By communicating, both partners can solve the problem together and the woman is able to understand where the problem is coming from rather than getting agitated about her partner’s poor erection every now and then. Breathing exercise and mindfulness. Most men lose erection at the point of penetration when the heart start beating fast and when they start to get agitated, hence the need for breathing exercise. Practicing breathing exercises in and out of the bedroom helps the man have control over his breath that leads to lack of erection. Go with the flow. Enjoy sex as it comes, be calm, don’t panic, keeping it in mind that it’s not bad to ejaculate quickly at the first round, but plan to keep it longer during the second. Prolong foreplay. This makes the man learn the act of delaying his ejaculation, thereby pleasing the woman, getting use to himself and having more fun time with his partner. Sometimes a man can get carried away, leading to early ejaculation but not to worry; this can go for the first round and help you build up during the retractive period for a more prolong penetration during the second round. Practice self-love. This helps when dealing with premature ejaculation by rubbing the cap of the penis personally. This rub and stop process like some people call it is done by rubbing the cap of the penis and stopping when you start getting the urge to ejaculate. When this is done, psychologically, you are training the most sensitive part of the penis which is the cap to get use to sensitivity without ejaculating. This process can be repeated severally to train the penis to get use to sensitivity. Are you struggling with any form of male sexual dysfunction issues and need professional help? Click here to book an appointment with the the Sex Therapist HERE

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MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT PREMATURE EJACULATION

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Introduction Premature ejaculation is a form of sexual dysfunction and this could be seen in men and women. For women it could be pain during sex, orgasmic issues, sustenance of orgasm, low libido and the likes. For men, it could be erectile problem, ejaculation disorder, libido disorder, and other dysfunctions. Premature ejaculation happens when the man ejaculates when he doesn’t want to or when his partner doesn’t want him to. It is also the incapacity of a man to continue or inability to sustain during sex. It is also a situation where a man releases sperm few seconds after penetration. So if you ejaculate within a minutes, it means you are suffering from premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation is not necessarily about how many minutes you can last, it is about losing control over your erection. It is about your ability not to climax when you desire. Why is premature ejaculation a big problem for men? Erection is very egoistic and men’s sexuality is attached to their ego. So it is the desire of every man to satisfy his woman, make her scream, moan, and not seem to be pretending. Every man loves that feeling of being on top of the world when it comes to sexuality and when a man fails to satisfy his woman, it affects him a whole lot. There is nothing as fulfilling for a man as being able to make love to his woman where he wants it, how he wants it and when he wants it without any erection restriction. Premature ejaculation is subjective, thus men shouldn’t be comparing themselves to those ones that last an hour or so. Research has shown that premature ejaculation is the number one sexual issue men less than 50 years of age experience. Research also shows that one out of every three men will experience premature ejaculation at a point in their life, so there shouldn’t be a cause for alarm if you experience this. It is normal for you to experience premature ejaculation sometimes, but should becomes a problem when it happens every time. Things to look out for to know you have premature ejaculation 1. You always or nearly always ejaculate within one minute of penetration. 2. You do not have the capacity to delay the ejaculation every time you have sex. 3. You feel frustrated and distressed anytime you think about sex and you want to avoid intimacy because you feel you under-perform. Misconceptions about premature ejaculation 1. If I cannot last more than two minutes then I have premature ejaculation. Research shows that you’re considered to be suffering from premature ejaculation if you can’t last more than one minute, thus two minutes and above is considered okay. 2. People believe the way it is done in the movies is how it should be. Learning how to have sex by watching porn or x rated movies is like learning how to drive by watching fast and furious movie; it does not work that way. We tend to have these images, fantasies and the ideal way about how we should have sex and when it is not done the way we have pictured it, we condemn ourselves. 3. If I cannot make her cum during penetration, I have premature ejaculation. This is a wrong thought as there are about 15% of ladies that reach orgasm by mere kissing, some by grabbing their ass, some by playing with their nipples, some by just touching or by grabbing their boobs. For most women it takes about 10-15 minutes to make them cum and during those minutes the man must be hitting the G spot continuously to make her cum, and for some women it takes a very long time to make them cum, so as a man you shouldn’t be judging your ejaculation by that. 4. My friends can last longer, so should i. You find yourself among your friends talking about how long they last during sex and you begin to compare yourself to them, forgetting the fact that you are different people and what works for A might not work for B. In conclusion, we are products of our biological make up and our socio-cultural upbringing when it comes to sexuality. A child that was exposed to sexuality at a young age or was being molested could develop high sensitivity to sex when he or she grows, while another child who was properly trained and nurtured as a child could have low sensitivity to sex when he or she becomes an adult, making them two different individuals. So men’s ejaculatory period should not be measured, as we are products of how we were nurtured while growing up. So drink water, pat yourself at the back and tell yourself you are doing great! Having issues with premature ejaculation? Book an appointment with The Fixer HERE

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