intimate

FILLING YOUR EMOTIONAL VACUUM

A bad relationship can make one’s life miserable; therefore we need unending support from family members, friends, lovers, etc. Living life without a proper support system could be frustrating, and could be worse if it comes to intimate relationship where you are lonely and wish you had someone to show you all the affection you need. Most couple tends to outgrow their emotions and expression of what they feel for each other. Love is an action word; it should be shown and expressed by our actions. It is important for humans to crave love and affection, most especially from loved ones; we want to hear how we are cared for and loved unconditionally. The power of touch is therefore important as it expresses our love and care to others; children who missed the power of touch in their early childhood could grow up to be bullies or have a lot of paraphillic symptoms, ADHD, etc. all these could happen by simply not telling our children we love them when we ought to or drawing them closer often or when need be. This also apply to adults in long relationships that have outgrown how to express their love and affection towards their partners, which includes kissing, hugging and telling them you love them from time to time. Unfortunately for couples, they tend to get carried away and don’t express how they care about each other, thereby affecting their mental health in the long run. Relationship is very important and needs to be taken seriously, we need to start making deliberate effort to take care of people around us, and we need to express our love and affection to those around us and our loved ones. It is possible in a relationship for one party, which is mostly the woman to be the only one depositing in a relationship, i.e. showing affection, care, always checking up on the other party, making effort to ensure that their sexual life is blooming, giving all round support, making sure the relationship bond is strong, ensuring the other party gets all he desires, etc. Men that fails to deposit in relationship as most women does require love and affection at some point in their lives, which could be at their lowest point/vulnerable moment and because they have not been contributing or depositing into their relationship, it is very easy to get carried away by cheating on their partners, making costly mistakes, getting anxious, or even falling into depression. Because the place they are supposed to refuel from is empty as a result of not fulfilling their own part of the deposit in the relationship they are in. Whatever you give is what you get, and when it comes to marriage, it is 100% deposit from both parties. Depositing kisses, warmth, love, words of encouragement, good sex, orgasm, support, affection, etc. so that when your system is down and asking for all the above mentioned, you can always have something to fall back on and pick up from. Both men and women are vulnerable and when there is lack of love and affection from your partner, there is a tendency to get carried away and try to fulfill your desires somewhere else.

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POSSIBLE REMEDIES FOR PREMATURE EJACULATION

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As earlier stated, research have shown that 95% of premature ejaculation problem is psychological while 5% is physiologically related; hence the focus on dealing with the psychological factors. Below are some of the possible remedies for premature ejaculation; Using withdrawal method. As much as we are aware that some women don’t reach orgasm quickly like men do, it is important for men to master the art of foreplay to prolong their erection. Gone are the days when women don’t complain about their lack of satisfaction when it comes to sex because most of them see it as a duty back then, now the tables have turn and women now want to enjoy sex. So engaging in foreplay has a way of helping men delay their ejaculation, thereby making the woman enjoy sex by reaching orgasm and making the man maintain erection. Wear a condom. Condoms helps men reduce the sensitivity of their genitals, this doesn’t mean the pleasure you get from wearing a condom is different from when you don’t wear one. It is ideal for anyone battling with premature ejaculation to start wearing a condom so as to prolong erection. Change your positions often. Start engaging in different positions you’re so not used to because the easy positions gets you to the peak of pleasure thereby causing early ejaculation and lack of satisfaction on the woman’s part. For example the traditional missionary style which is known to make men ejaculate easily and early. Engage in kegel exercises. This is also known as pelvic-floor exercise which is known to strengthen the vagina muscles and not limited to women only. This is done by holding your pelvic floor muscle for some seconds when feeling the urge to urinate which can be done several times in a day and anywhere. The more this is practiced, the more a man will be able to delay ejaculation. Research have shown that most men who practice kegel exercise start lasting longer after about 12 weeks of this consistent practice. Focus your thought on something unrelated to sex during the act of love making. Without your partner getting to notice that your attention is divided, shift your thought onto something that isn’t sex related for a few seconds as this will delay your ejaculation. Men should learn how to balance this so as not to lose concentration while making love. Communication. While a man is trying to deal with his premature ejaculation, communicating the problem to his partner is very important as it makes the woman aware of the reason for her partner’s poor erection, rather than mixing concoctions to drink and having all sort of aphrodisiacs without the knowledge of the woman. By communicating, both partners can solve the problem together and the woman is able to understand where the problem is coming from rather than getting agitated about her partner’s poor erection every now and then. Breathing exercise and mindfulness. Most men lose erection at the point of penetration when the heart start beating fast and when they start to get agitated, hence the need for breathing exercise. Practicing breathing exercises in and out of the bedroom helps the man have control over his breath that leads to lack of erection. Go with the flow. Enjoy sex as it comes, be calm, don’t panic, keeping it in mind that it’s not bad to ejaculate quickly at the first round, but plan to keep it longer during the second. Prolong foreplay. This makes the man learn the act of delaying his ejaculation, thereby pleasing the woman, getting use to himself and having more fun time with his partner. Sometimes a man can get carried away, leading to early ejaculation but not to worry; this can go for the first round and help you build up during the retractive period for a more prolong penetration during the second round. Practice self-love. This helps when dealing with premature ejaculation by rubbing the cap of the penis personally. This rub and stop process like some people call it is done by rubbing the cap of the penis and stopping when you start getting the urge to ejaculate. When this is done, psychologically, you are training the most sensitive part of the penis which is the cap to get use to sensitivity without ejaculating. This process can be repeated severally to train the penis to get use to sensitivity. Are you struggling with any form of male sexual dysfunction issues and need professional help? Click here to book an appointment with the the Sex Therapist HERE

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MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT PREMATURE EJACULATION

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Introduction Premature ejaculation is a form of sexual dysfunction and this could be seen in men and women. For women it could be pain during sex, orgasmic issues, sustenance of orgasm, low libido and the likes. For men, it could be erectile problem, ejaculation disorder, libido disorder, and other dysfunctions. Premature ejaculation happens when the man ejaculates when he doesn’t want to or when his partner doesn’t want him to. It is also the incapacity of a man to continue or inability to sustain during sex. It is also a situation where a man releases sperm few seconds after penetration. So if you ejaculate within a minutes, it means you are suffering from premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation is not necessarily about how many minutes you can last, it is about losing control over your erection. It is about your ability not to climax when you desire. Why is premature ejaculation a big problem for men? Erection is very egoistic and men’s sexuality is attached to their ego. So it is the desire of every man to satisfy his woman, make her scream, moan, and not seem to be pretending. Every man loves that feeling of being on top of the world when it comes to sexuality and when a man fails to satisfy his woman, it affects him a whole lot. There is nothing as fulfilling for a man as being able to make love to his woman where he wants it, how he wants it and when he wants it without any erection restriction. Premature ejaculation is subjective, thus men shouldn’t be comparing themselves to those ones that last an hour or so. Research has shown that premature ejaculation is the number one sexual issue men less than 50 years of age experience. Research also shows that one out of every three men will experience premature ejaculation at a point in their life, so there shouldn’t be a cause for alarm if you experience this. It is normal for you to experience premature ejaculation sometimes, but should becomes a problem when it happens every time. Things to look out for to know you have premature ejaculation 1. You always or nearly always ejaculate within one minute of penetration. 2. You do not have the capacity to delay the ejaculation every time you have sex. 3. You feel frustrated and distressed anytime you think about sex and you want to avoid intimacy because you feel you under-perform. Misconceptions about premature ejaculation 1. If I cannot last more than two minutes then I have premature ejaculation. Research shows that you’re considered to be suffering from premature ejaculation if you can’t last more than one minute, thus two minutes and above is considered okay. 2. People believe the way it is done in the movies is how it should be. Learning how to have sex by watching porn or x rated movies is like learning how to drive by watching fast and furious movie; it does not work that way. We tend to have these images, fantasies and the ideal way about how we should have sex and when it is not done the way we have pictured it, we condemn ourselves. 3. If I cannot make her cum during penetration, I have premature ejaculation. This is a wrong thought as there are about 15% of ladies that reach orgasm by mere kissing, some by grabbing their ass, some by playing with their nipples, some by just touching or by grabbing their boobs. For most women it takes about 10-15 minutes to make them cum and during those minutes the man must be hitting the G spot continuously to make her cum, and for some women it takes a very long time to make them cum, so as a man you shouldn’t be judging your ejaculation by that. 4. My friends can last longer, so should i. You find yourself among your friends talking about how long they last during sex and you begin to compare yourself to them, forgetting the fact that you are different people and what works for A might not work for B. In conclusion, we are products of our biological make up and our socio-cultural upbringing when it comes to sexuality. A child that was exposed to sexuality at a young age or was being molested could develop high sensitivity to sex when he or she grows, while another child who was properly trained and nurtured as a child could have low sensitivity to sex when he or she becomes an adult, making them two different individuals. So men’s ejaculatory period should not be measured, as we are products of how we were nurtured while growing up. So drink water, pat yourself at the back and tell yourself you are doing great! Having issues with premature ejaculation? Book an appointment with The Fixer HERE

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WE ARE SEXUAL BEINGS

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As human beings, we are sexual beings. Thus right from childhood, we look for ways to gratify our sexual desires throughout our developmental stages till when we become adults. Maturity and proper development comes in when we do not allow such desire for pleasure to override our sense of reasoning. Sex is a very important part of our lives and we get a kind of satisfaction from having a sexually fulfilling life. If you see a woman or a man that is incapable or not fulfilled in the bedroom, it tends to affect every area of their lives and makes them unproductive. Sexuality is a part of us, it is more than just penis and vagina it is our being, it determines our identity, our relationship and our development. Therefore, it is important to put our sexual life in the right perspective. Sex is a spiritual gift given by God to humans, it is supposed to be enjoyed and we should always make the best of it. You should think about sex and get excited, it should be something you share with someone special, something so deep that makes you vulnerable, something you always think about and gets you wet or causes an erection. But for so many people, especially in this part of the world, sex seems to be a curse and the reason peoples marriages are falling apart. In Nigeria, the rate of secrecy, pretense and hypocrisy in marriages is alarming. Failure to open up about their sexual desires, sexual issues, where and how they want to have sex, etc, which is the cause of premature ejaculation. As couples, you need to loosen up, stop pretending and be yourself. Men seem so comfortable telling their girlfriends to suck them like they mean it and do other stuff to them, but can’t say such to their wives. Also women can’t tell their husbands the sex position they want, demand for oral sex, etc.

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THE PROS AND CONS OF SHOWER SEX

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In Nigeria, there is no statistics of how many people get married out of love, thus majority of people get married for the wrong reasons which leads to unhappiness. In this part of the world, couples fail to understand that love is a gift; hence they don’t include it on their scale of preference while preparing to go into a relationship. We tend to get carried away with other things forgetting that romance is the CORE in a relationship. Topics like this when discussed helps couples get back to spicing things up in their relationship. Therefore, shower sex is one of the ways to spice things up in your relationship, and here are some things you can do in preparation for shower sex; Prepare your bathroom for it. Introducing shower sex in your relationship can be tricky, so you have to deliberately install some things in your bathroom, such as foot mat, handles to hold, and other materials to help you achieve your aim. You also need to take out or uninstall anything that can harm you or your partner, because sometimes shower sex can be spontaneous. Use water based lubricant. Water would get your partner dry, therefore using a lubricant while having sex in the shower is advisable. Remove all obstructions. Shower curtains, shampoos, buckets, etc should be removed to avoid distractions. Stay out of the bath during foreplay. Set the mood in your bathroom. Dim the light, install colored lights, have a bedside lamp, put on soft music, etc to put you and your partner in the mood. Undress each other. Sometimes undressing each other in the bathroom while fore playing puts you in the mood for sex. Couples should learn how to do this more often. Kiss. Kissing while the shower is running gives a spark and a rejuvenating feeling. Make use of your mirror. Look at your partner lustfully in the mirror while having sex in the shower, it kind of give a boost. Know when to stop. When it gets awkward and uncomfortable, you can extend the sex somewhere else. There should be no boundaries. There are certain styles you can use in the bathroom, which are; Inside out. One person stays under the shower while the other outside the shower to ensure balance. One leg up. The man raises one of the woman’s legs up, rather than placing it on the floor or on the edge of the bath tub. Standing doggy. This position allows for great stimulation as your man would be able to touch your boobs, spank you ass and can have access to every part of your body. Reverse cow girl. Here both couple is facing the same direction while the woman sits on top. Leg wrapping. This is mostly for strong men and light women because the man needs to balance well while lifting the woman off the ground and wrapping her legs around his waist. Trying new things out in a relationship, helps spice things up and ensures a healthy relationship.

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LOSS OF SEXUAL ATTRACTION IN MARRIAGE

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I want to help you fix some of the sexual issues you might be facing in your marriage. Cheating has become the order of the day and you will ask yourself why this is happening, amazingly, women are beating the men to it in today’s world. Read this carefully “We made love virtually everywhere when we first got married; in the car, couch, at the beach, in the bathroom, in fact, we had an unforgettable sexual escapade at the cinemas, we were sitted at the last row and I pulled up my skirt and sat on him and we had a quickie. I’m always horny and he is ever ready, at a point I did not have to put on underwear whenever we were together because in our heads we can make love at anytime and anywhere. I look back now and I wonder when those times will come back again.” This was someone speaking to me and I wrote it down. Most of the times, if you are following me you know I pick topics based on issues that are brought to my office so that if you are going through this problem in your life, you can have them solved. This couple was so into each other that they had to have sex in the cinema (that’s some wild move) and then all of a sudden they lost that spark. This same woman will climb her husband, walk around naked, caress him, nothing worked for him; no erection, but this same man goes out there and meets another woman and boom he gets an erection even without the lady saying anything. This is a very common issue I have noticed over time especially with people in long term committed relationship. If you are in this kind of relationship, the possibility that you’ve noticed this once or twice is very high. The story you just read might look pathetic but this is the case of most marriages. This is just not about men, it might be the other way round but in this part of the world, women are rather more silent. As a woman, you might look at your husband and feel irritated and certainly not aroused but when you go out there and meet some other men, in no time you feel aroused, what we say as ‘being wet’. I have had a couple of women come to me saying ‘Dr. Tolu, I don’t know what is wrong with me , immediately I saw him I became wet and all I wanted was for him to make love to me.’ Loss of Sexual attraction should not be mixed up with Sexual dysfunction like frigidity or erectile dysfunction etc. Unfortunately, they are interwoven but they are entirely different because we can not say a man that doesn’t feel an erection with his wife but feels erection with somebody else has erectile dysfunction or a woman that is not aroused by her husband but gets wet by merely hugging some other guy is frigid. Another complicated part of loss of sexual attraction is that it has nothing to do with love. You can be in love with a person and not be sexually attracted to that person. You might even wish to have sex with him/her but you find that it is not working, you are not attracted. So, what is going on? What happens? Because this is your wife/husband and at the initial stage, you will see her/him and feel erection/aroused but now you even see her/him naked and you are not moved. Some people say, oh, it’s because men are polygamous in nature but the question we will ask is, are women polygamous in nature too? But this happens to women too. What is then the problem? I will always tell people that Love could be blind but marriage is an eye-opener because responsibilities would come up and this is when you know if your marriage can stand the test of time. CAUSES OF LOSS OF SEXUAL ATTRACTION IN MARRIAGE 1. Loss of the hunting nature in men Men want to hunt. They want to look for their prey and capture it. It feels their Ego. Men can fantasize about sex a lot; he would strategize about the right way to get his prey. It gives him fulfillment and joy. At the end of the day if he is able to capture that which he is looking for and it becomes his own and keeps it in his home. With the sex, a man knowing that he could get sex whenever he wants could affect the sexual attraction in the home. This nature is affected when there is nothing to look out for anymore. When your boobs and vagina are easily available, the man looses his hunting spirit. It reduces the desire. For so many women, you just walk around naked, he sees everything each time, your man will have nothing to look out for and he looses his desire to have sex with you. Your breast is not something that should be everywhere; your breast should not be easily accessible. Let your private be private, it shouldn’t be public. In this article, I will like to help you fix some of the sexual issues you might be facing in your marriage. Things have gotten so bad in today’s marriage that cheating has become the order of the day and one can only keep asking why this is happening. Cheating used to be a man thing, amazingly, women are beating the men to it in today’s world. Read this carefully “We made love virtually everywhere when we first got married; in the car, couch, at the beach, in the bathroom, in fact, we had an unforgettable sexual escapade at the cinemas, we were sitting at the last row and I pulled up my skirt and sat on him and we had a quickie. I’m always horny and he is ever ready, at a point I did

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HOW TO KNOW IF HE/SHE CARES ABOUT YOU

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How do I know if my spouse cares about me? People tend to walk into my office asking questions like ‘Dr. Tolu how do I know if my partner loves me?’ or perhaps you are one that likes to keep your money away from your partner especially from men to women saying you will like to test her and be sure she doesn’t love you because of money. All these and many more do not guarantee someone’s love for you. The first thing I tell people is that for you to even ask that question in the first place, it is a red flag; for you to be bothered, unsure or confused, you have already gotten your answer. The answer is “NO”. If someone loves you, you would not need to ask and for women that mostly ask me, I tell them that for men that are in love it is even more intense because they find it hard to hide their feelings unlike women even though they are more emotional. If someone loves you and you love someone, you will find peace; you won’t be worried or restless. For instance, you are asked “Jane, what are you doing with kingsley” your answer will always move towards positivity if you love him and you know that he loves you unlike your answer coming off like “Errrrm…., I’m not so sure what I’m doing with him”. When you love someone and vice versa, you will feel loved, cared for and at peace, he/she wants to know that you are fine, you will feel safe, whatever makes you unhappy becomes their problem also. Finally, I am sure you know the signs, you are aware when somebody doesn’t love you, you know when this person treats you like garbage, you know when this person makes you feel worthless. I understand love sometimes can make you feel helpless but it never takes away the ability for you to be logical, for you to speak to yourself, for you to boldly say to yourself that you deserve better. Nobody deserves to be treated lesser than a human. Putting love aside, even outside a relationship, if you allow yourself to be treated lesser, it says a lot about your Self Esteem, it says a lot about your self worth also, about you feeling like you don’t deserve better. No one is going to see you better than you see yourself. So you will ask me “Dr. Tolu how do I know if this person loves me?” and this is what I’ll tell you, a lot of times you know when some one cares about, you will see the signs. The only question you need to ask yourself is ‘Who am I and what do I deserve?”.

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BENEFITS OF KISSING

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INTRODUCTION According to Wikipedia, A French kiss, also known as a deep kiss, is an amorous kiss in which the participants’ tongues extend to touch each other’s lips or tongue. A “kiss with the tongue” stimulates the partner’s lips, tongue and mouth, which are sensitive to the touch and induce physiological sexual arousal. A French kiss is so called because at the beginning of the 20th century, in the English-speaking world, the French had acquired a reputation for more adventurous and passionate sex practices. When you want to stop French kissing your partner, the easiest thing to do is just pull away from them and stop, but that can be a little abrupt. You may find it nicer to stop using your tongue and go back to the start by squeezing his upper or lower lip between yours before you pull away. Kissing is a way of expressing love and also an act of foreplay. A bad kisser can make one loose total interest in the act of love making. But most time a bad kisser doesn’t know and partners find it difficult to complain. Learn the act of kissing today or ask your partner if you are doing it right,it’s important more than you can imagine. The last time some couples kissed was during their honey moon, kissing is like love making, he can make a woman get wet easily and put a man in d mood, infect it can keep you in the mind of your partner for a long time. Kissing bring a kind of bonding, that is why most people doesn’t like to kiss so easily. Some of us do not even know that kissing is in the Bible, God endorsed it, songs of Solomon 1:2′ 4:11 Talk about the power of touch and the power of Oxytocin the love hormone. There’s pecking, kissing and a more intimate kissing, this is what is expected between couples? You’ve kissed, but you want to take it a step further. A french kiss is a more intimate and passionate kiss that takes things to the next level. With these 10 Steps, you’re french kiss will be perfect. BENEFITS OF KISSING Means of expression: Often times, a kiss is deemed a perfect gesture when no amount of words could express one’s feelings. Kisses on specific body parts have different specific meanings. Moreover, expressing oneself can also be interpreted through different kissing styles. A kiss may also be an act of respect rather than endearment: For almost all married couples and people who are in relationships, kissing is something sensual similar to an act of foreplay. Moreover, it also gives a relationship that special spark. Whether it’s planted on the forehead, cheek, hand or any other body part, it’s always a way of telling someone that the person feels affection towards the other. Its beneficial to your health: Aside from the message that you want to convey in every passionate kiss, medical professionals have also pointed out that kissing can be beneficial to our health. A kiss can help give us a strong heart, while also helping to smooth our skin. In addition, kissing can also help us in relieving pain and avoiding infections. It is a great way to loosen up your muscles and relieve stress after a hard day’s work. It certainly has soothing effects to both the kisser and the one being kissed. A kiss can spice up relationships: Despite the lack of words. It can even help you to maintain a healthy body. Certainly, kissing is one of the most powerful gestures ever known to man, or woman. It can boost self esteem: Passionately kissing the love of your life can boost your self-esteem, lower stress hormones and give you inner peace. Kissing produces an increase in the body’s production of a calming hormone called oxytocin. It helps the body to burn calories. – Frequent kissers can now bid goodbye to food cutback and say hello to a kissing diet. Just like exercise, it helps you burn calories and lower your cholesterol level, resulting in a boost to your metabolism. It keeps the cardiovascular system healthy. – Kissing helps your heart by pumping more blood. It also helps lower your blood pressure. It acts as a pain reliever. – Whether it is a headache or a toothache, kissing helps relieve the pain due to the presence of an anesthetic in our saliva. Furthermore, kissing produces endorphins which are more powerful than morphine. It can extend life expectancy. – Don’t leave home without a kiss. According to statistics, a goodbye kiss before going out of the house can increase your lifespan by five years. It fights off infection. – Note that during kissing, salivating produces natural antibiotics which fight off infections. Medical studies have shown that people engaged in frequent kissing will have less exposure to stomach, bladder and blood infections. It helps to smooth our skin. – Kissing helps exercise our facial muscles by keeping the facial skin tight and smooth, thereby preventing sagging cheeks and wrinkles.

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FIVE WAYS TO STOP FIGHTING ABOUT SEX

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Sex is a very crucial aspect of marriage that cannot be over emphasized. Even though sex is not all that matters in marriage, it actually matters greatly. Research shows that about 75-85% of marital issue is sex related! that is why you will see a woman whose the husband can buy her the world still cheating on him. It’s a pity it’s a topic we find difficult to discuss in our society. Most time couples fight about sex because of lack of understanding of the difference between men and women when it comes to sex. Men measure level of intimacy by physical actions like sex but it’s much more deeper than that for women, stuffs like spending time with her, listening to her, hugging her from the back and fulfilling her emotional needs are all what intimacy means to a woman. The hormonal differences between a man and a woman is another reason why men desired sex more than women. Testerone, one of the hormone responsible for sex drive is 20-40 percent higher in men than women, though not always the case but is common and normal for men to desire sex more than women. 1. COMMUNICATE : Fighting is different from communicating, you need to talk about it calmly and rationally, consider the make ego when you are trying to talk about this. Wether one of you is not getting what you want, or you have different sex drive or whatever the reason is open discussion and honesty is the solution to avoid fight. No mater how difficult it is u have to talk about it. 2.COMPROMISE: It’s difficult for the 2 of u to be at the same page all the time,maybe one prefer sex in d day time, for example like the truck driver who called d other day, or one like it done with the light on, or one hate to be touched while sleeping, or differences in styles or frequencies, men can compromise by helping the wife with some household chores wen u know u r planning to have sex later in the night and women can compromise by doing it once in a while wen not in d mood. 3. FIX WHAT IS NOT WORKING: you don’t like the way he jump into action before foreplay, you don’t enjoy it at all, there’s something she’s not doing at all or rightly, you don’t like the smell…… Instead of getting into argument over same issue every time you wanna make love, try and fix the problem. 4. BE VULNERABLE: Being vulnerable doesn’t mean doing what you don’t want to do, it just means letting down your guards and putting your all in the act to get the best from it. Don’t raise my leg, your hair is touching me, i don’t want to moan so people wont hear, don’t squeeze my bum etc… Like i said there should be mutual understanding and SEXUAL BOUNDARIES should be respected, but being vulnerable helps you to get lost in the act and enjoy it to the fullest. 5. DON’T BE SELFISH: When you get to a point where lovemaking is about your partner then you two are in for a good ride, this is a point where the satisfaction of your partner becomes your topmost priority. If you two can meet at this point, most of the arguments and lack of satisfaction issues will be avoided. Has sex taken the backstage in your marriage or has your bedroom turned to a war-room? contact THE FIXER HERE, she will help you resolve all your sexual conflicts.

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THE ORDER OF LOVEMAKING

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A lot of couples are in a sexually frustrating marriage because they put the wrong thing first. There are orders in which things must be done when it comes to the act of love making. Follow these five orders of lovemaking and find out why your sex life is becoming frustrating. Attraction: A lot of people will never be able to enjoy the act of love making if they are not attracted to their partner. For some, this where the act begins. Men: its is no doubt that men are moved by what they see, a man can be attracted to a low class empty brain lady, with poor hygiene just because of her well rounded boobs or protruding back sides. For men, the appeal mostly comes from conceiving the thought of how it will feel like touching those organs. majority of men are easily carried away by the female physical appearance and that is why its more complicated to be a man in a world full of half naked ladies in lycra tights. Blame it on the hormones, he’s not a loose Jack, he’s just being a man. This is why it takes discipline, total commitment, fear of God and genuine love for a man to stay loyal to his woman. Now, imagine a man who is lucky to have a physically attractive wife with all the juicy organs in the right places, she’s intelligent and smart, that means he could also be attracted to her brain and at the same time he’s head over heels in love with her. To top it all she’s clean in an out, smells good and understands what to wear to turn him on. Love making comes easily for that kind of man, and giving her a head becomes an easy task. Women: Attractions counts for women a lot, and most time its more about emotional connection rather than physical attractions, a clean looking man is just an icing on the cake. That is why trying to arouse a woman who is not emotionally connected to a man is always a daunting task. About 75% of women will not just look at a man and start getting wet just because he has six packs, attraction for a woman is more complicated than that, unresolved issues between the two must be resolved before a woman can get down without reservations and give her all. Desire: The desire to make love could be triggered by so many reasons, for men is majorly about attraction but for women its more complicated. unresolved issues, physical distractions like a cracking bed, children, or roughly shaven beard will all affect how deep her desire will be. Domestic and financial issues also affects a man sexual desire a whole lot, but most time he can see sex as a mean of cooling off when in such situations but for a woman at such time sex comes last. this is why some women will like to discuss money during the act in order to clear their mind so they can concentrate, even though the unwise or mischievous women negotiates before making love just to use it a s a weapon. She could also be overwhelmed with chores and activities, especially when the husband shows no sign of empathy or appreciation. Insecurity about body or organs can result to low self esteem which could also lead to lack of desire both in men an women. Arousal: There are lots that could be done during the act of love making to get your partner aroused. Mere looking at a woman naked body can give a man an erection like i said before, but for a woman especially when circumcised, you might have to go all the way. Now, this is where I’m actually going, a sexually frustrated marriage is mostly that of couples who ignored point one and two and jump to point three. How do you arouse a woman who is not attracted to you at the same time has no desire for sex. touching, necking, pecking, licking or any act of fore play will be a turn off for a woman who has lost her desire for sex. This is where most men are frustrated, ‘ I touched her and do everything to get her aroused, and still she won’t bulge” she will not, because she has lost the desire. You both need to concentrate on attraction and desire before talking about arousal. Orgasm: Even though a man can ejaculate without attraction, desire and arousal, its going to be a boring exercise and a frustrating one for him. A great sex is one in which a man is able to connect with his wife mind, soul and body, one in which the woman participates, vulnerable and gives her all without reservations, that is what a great sex is for a man, its beyond just ejaculating, its intense, deep, exhausting and satisfying love making. A man whose wife keeps lying like a log of wood or cold ice might start loosing his desire gradually as well. In this case for a woman, this is not just about not having great sex, its about no sex at all. Without attraction and desire forget orgasm for a woman. Sex becomes extra work and orgasm becomes achievable for a woman who has no desire for sex. Reaffirmation: This is the period of relaxing after a great love making exercise, for a man, sleep is the best form of reaffirmation, if she sleeps off immediately then shes exhausted and it automatically means she enjoys it, even though this could be true, the opposite is the case for a woman. She wants a man who will reassure her of how great she was in bed, rub his hands on her hair and kiss her forehead before snoring.

THE ORDER OF LOVEMAKING Read More »

FILLING YOUR EMOTIONAL VACUUM

POSSIBLE REMEDIES FOR PREMATURE EJACULATION

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT PREMATURE EJACULATION

WE ARE SEXUAL BEINGS

THE PROS AND CONS OF SHOWER SEX

LOSS OF SEXUAL ATTRACTION IN MARRIAGE

HOW TO KNOW IF HE/SHE CARES ABOUT YOU

BENEFITS OF KISSING

FIVE WAYS TO STOP FIGHTING ABOUT SEX

THE ORDER OF LOVEMAKING

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