intimate

ARE YOU INTIMIDATING?

“ I never knew you are this warm, nice, friendly… blablabla….” Are you one of the people that often get that? You know you are a very nice, warm and friendly person, but people just judge you, size you up or even hate you without knowing the real you. Most time you didn’t offend them, in fact you haven’t utter a word to them, they just feel kilokanseleyi, is she the only one, who does she think she. Can you identify with this kind of situation? I might not understand how this feel for you, but i can relate with this circumstances because I’m actually there. Sometimes i tried to reduce myself just to convince them I’m not whom they think i am, at times i just keep quiet so they wont think I’m trying to make my opinion count. Even with all of these, they still feel why is she keeping quiet. There are few people like this, people judge you wrongly at the first encounter. Sometimes you might even begin to worry about yourself, you might think you have attitude problem, if care is not taken, these opinions can reduce you to nothing and make prevent you from achieving your life objectives. Wonder why people don’t get to know you before passing their judgmental remarks? Read up this article, then you find out you are not the problem but them. I have never seen an article that has perfect answers to so many questions. You might want to read along if you are interested in finding out why people get the wrong signal.Have you ever gone somewhere and not exactly blend in…? It’s more than what you decided to wear that seems like an anomaly. People behave a certain way. You observe this many times at different social scenes. Nobody will approach you aside from a little “hi” and a courteous fake smile. 1. You look unapproachable, or give off that energy that says something completely opposite of the way you are. Maybe it’s your clothing, maybe it’s a “don’t fuck with me” attitude displayed in your facial expressions, or maybe it’s just like the animal kingdom and your composure. The alpha male or alpha female struts in and all the other animals take notice and make a mental note to stay the fuck away. 2. You have confirmation: Your friends didn’t like you originally, they told you they didn’t, but now that they know you, you’re really not that bad. People refuse to make eye contact with you for long periods; they look away and keep their glances short. 3. You have an aggressive and confrontational demeanor. You don’t start fights, but you’re known to assert yourself when necessary. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. 4. You’re a nonconformist, you’re not afraid to say “No.” You know what you want and what you don’t want. You don’t follow the crowd. 5. You move heaven and earth to make things happen. You don’t settle for anything less than what you had planned. When shit goes downhill you don’t take it easy. You have to have it all. For some reason people don’t like go-getters, they’re seen as opportunists or too selfish. 6. You have had that one super nice acquaintance that secretly hates you but showers you with tons of compliments, plays with your hair, and a lot of other deceitful behavior. You know what’s up, but it’s easier to just be cordial because you’ve been considered being a bitch for too long on one too many occasions. This person is the first person to try to make you feel bad when you’re feeling vulnerable and will use your situation to their own insecure advantage. 7. People misunderstand you. You don’t set out to offend anyone but at the same time you don’t care what people think. Your ideas, beliefs and shared posts usually range from crazy to bat-shit crazy, extreme even. You don’t need anyone to validate your authenticity, you just continue being yourself. If anyone has a problem they can remove themselves from your life. Let’s face it; social networking has brought on more judgments. 8. You’re okay with being alone and it’s obvious that you enjoy your own company. Your circles start off small and remain small. Society drives people to want other’s acceptance, we’re bred that way. To be liked is desired more than the desire to be successful. When you seek out social acceptance all the time it’s like sleeping with partner after partner. You give away little pieces of yourself each time until there’s nothing left. But in this case, you don’t mind being alone. 9. You walk into a room and know immediately how people feel about you. It’s all in their eyes, not only do they avoid eye contact but when they do make eye contact, it’s not a welcoming and pleasant look. Every fiber of your being tells you who you should be careful with because they don’t have the best intentions. You’ve never done anything to this person yet your gut feels negatively when you’re near them. This is the person who will like+comment on your posts on FB and when you see them in real life they will say hi and avoid you, walk past you and act like you’re not even there. You’re under their skin even though you’re unsure why regardless of how nice you are to them. What do you do in this situation? follow the crowd, change whom you are because they got it wrong, wallow in self pity, allow them lower your self esteem? NO….. TC Mark says “Don’t Change; kill them with Kindness anyway”.

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IS IT A SIN TO SUCK MY WIFE?

Dr. Tolu, this is the 3rd time i’m posting this question, please help me to post now. I want to suck my wife but she said no insisting its against God’s will. I want to know if its a sin to suck ones wife, Is it ok to suck each other in a christian home. I noticed that many christian people who are married do suck each other. I used to do it too and i think my wife will like it if she experienced it, how do i convince her, or should i just forget about it if its a sin?

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TIWA/TUNJI SAGA, WHAT LESSON?

As much as i tried to avoid discussing other people’s business, i actually think we can learn one or two lessons from the Tiwa/Tunji story. Im sure most of us have read the story online and also listened to Tiwa’s video interview. Do you think she married for the wrong reasons, probably out of pity because she felt she owed Tunji one? Or you think they were truly compatible? What is your opinion about couples having a joint business? The questions can go on and on, but what do you think about this whole saga, are there lessons to be learnt?

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HOW TO CARESS

The power of touch in establishing and maintaining intimacy between two people cannot be overemphasized. caressing is a very good way to get connected emotionally, though physically, it connects souls together. The feelings of being wanted and important at the same time are conveyed through caressing. Apart from the fact that its a good way to prepare the mind for the act of lovemaking, it also promotes bonding. Especially for the women, caressing can serve as a mean of reassuring her of how much you love and care, it can also prepare her mind towards a romantic evening of lovemaking with her husband. Sex is great but its important to know and understand that most people not all won’t ever reach the sex portion if it weren’t for the sensual caresses that led to that point. When in a relationship where both people are emotionally and physically attracted to each other, it is important to show affection. There are several ways to do this, but caressing may be the most effective. To caress someone is to show them how you care for them, how special they are, and a simple way of communicating love or strong liking. How to caress is very important, and your significant other will appreciate it if done properly. In our rush to reach our goals, we often times forget how we got there. Later in the relationship, those little things get completely forgotten because the goal has already been reached. So if you want to bring back the spark back in your relationship and marriage, bring back the sensual caresses. The soft touch at the nape of the neck. The slight caress with your fingers across a man’s wrist. A man moving his fingers ever so gently up a woman’s leg. The soft touch on a man’s check right before a kiss. The light touch on a woman’s lower back arch as you hold a door open for her. Moving a wisp of hair away from someone’s forehead while looking passionately into their eyes. Without these sensual caresses, the act of love making just becomes boring and inconsequential. We must treat our partners similar to the way we treat a car. You would never drive your car without warming it up or making sure it has its proper oil change. Otherwise the car wouldn’t act as good as you would want it. In some cases, the car would actually conk out on you in the middle of the road. Well your partner if not handled in the right way, can also conk out. Sensual caresses will get you to where you want to go! 1. Caressing does not just mean physical contact. In fact, a very seductive form of caressing can be done with the eyes. Taking a long and deep look into your partner’s eyes will make them feel special, and will most likely lead to them wanting to be caressed by you… or they may want to caress you. 2. An easy way to begin caressing someone is through a hug. Rub their back affectionately, and slowly make your way to their shoulders. There, use your fingers to gently run across their skin, then up and down their arms. 3. Look into their eyes (do not glance away), and cup their face with one of your hands. 4. Use your thumbs to caress their cheeks. Next, use your index finger to softly touch their lips. From here, you can feel other parts of their face, and use both hands if they seem to enjoy that. 5. Another way to caress your partner has to do with just hands. You can glide your fingers across their palms and through their fingers, and can also do this as though it was tickling. The great thing about this is that it can be done in public. No, it is not the disgusting thing people call “hand sex”, it is simply caressing your partner’s hands. 6. You can also hold him/her from the back when he/she is not expecting it, gently rubbing your front against your partners back while holding or rubbing their arms is a very good way of caressing. 7. Leg touch is another way of caressing. Especially when you are among other people sitting around a table, maybe during family dinner or eat out time with friends, you both can gently pull your shoes and touch each others legs/foot without others noticing.

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YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND COULD BE HERE!

  Good Day. Using this medium to introduce Intimate Matchmaking to you. A result oriented matchmaking services carried out with integrity and the fear of God. With 75% success rate, we don’t give false hope but do our best to bridge the gap between you and your soulmate. We are tested and trusted and can boldly say we are the most reliable hand in the field of matchmaking in Africa. If you are interested in our services or any of our clients listed below, you can reach us at our office: Intimacy Center 135 Ogunlana Drive Surulere Lagos. Call: 08184575377 or Simply register at: www.intimatematchmaking.com. Here are the list of our clients for today: 1. Chioma is a 31 yrs old graduate of Nursing from IMO state, a nurse/midwife and based in lagos, she’s very single and focused. Chioma wants a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. 3. Aminat is 34 yrs from Ogun state,a small scale retail business owner based in Lagos. She’s not too keen about religion but will prefer a Muslim partner that is ready to settle down. 4. Dotun is a 36 yrs old Yoruba guy, a banker and outgoing person, he wants a Yoruba lady not more than 30. She must be outspoken and friendly. 5. Wasiu is 33yrs from Ogun state, a civil servant and devoted Muslim. He needs a serious Muslim lady for relationship that will lead to marriage, she must have something doing and be ready to settle down asap. 6. Kayode is 53, single due to heartbreak, and has never being married before. He’s an engineering that can take his woman to the world. The lady must be young, creamy, very born again, not too fat and Yoruba. 7. Kunle is 33yrs old, he hails from kogi state. A Business man that enjoy ling live and praying hard as well. He needs a very prayerful and outgoing lady, preferably Yoruba. She must be disciplined and from a good home. 8. Alhaji Sadiq is 65, fears God and love to help humanity. A philanthropist who needs a woman who is ready to be his friend, partner and wife at the same time. She must be a very God fearing Muslim and be good at managing money in billions.

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YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY

  My encounter these few weeks got me thinking….. I have met people who are well put together, good jobs, good looks, good health or so it seems. They seems to have everything going on well for them. People around them could even be envying them and they themselves haven’t come to the realization of the fact that they needed help. But talking to these people, I saw a lot of unresolved emotional issues that can hinder living life to the fullest, so many baggage that are left unattended to and numerous repressed materials that were ignored. speaking from a Counselor’s angle, I’m beginning to see that a lot of people need help in our society. So many bitterness, bottled up emotions and unresolved issue that can hinder people from living life to the fullest or being the best they can. A lot of people are emotionally battered and mentally disturbed, yet they carry on as if all is well. We need to cultivate the habit of talking to a counselor in this part of the world. Symptoms of emotional, sexual, Relationship, marital or any issue that takes your peace away from you should be treated like that of chronic illness. Life is too short to be lived in bitterness and pretense, you deserve to be happy and living life to the fullest should not be compromised. Locate a Counselor/Therapist around you today, you need one to rediscover yourself and make the best of your life. My 10 Kobo. Have a beautiful week ahead. ‪#‎lovedoctorwithadifference‬ ‪#‎iamasextherapist‬ ‪#‎tolustenkobo‬. You can schedule appointment with me on 08184575377 or http://instantcounseling.net/service/

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HELP! FAITH IS DIVIDING US…..

Good evening Dr. Tolu, Please I have a very pressing issue I seriously want you to help me look at. I have known this girl for 3years and have never stopped admiring her. Recently, we got talking and I poured my heart out to her without hesitation. To God’s glory, she obliged and we started dating. I told her right from the onset that what I want is a serious relationship that could lead to marriage in a matter of months. In all honesty, this girl is all I ever desire. Even though we may have our differences sometimes, I feel so strongly that God specifically made her for me. I love her more than the sun loves to shine. Recently, she started raising issues of Church. That was after I took her to see my Reverend Father. I am a Catholic while she attends Christ Embassy. She has insisted that I must allow her attend her Church once in a while. Initially, I thought it was an issue we could sort out until I started discovering that it isn’t as trivial as it seem. Yesterday, she made it so clear that I must be allowing her attend her church once in a month after our wedding. Then I asked her if someone questions her outside about the faith she practices, what would be her response, and she said she will reply that she is a member of Christ Embassy but a Catholic by marriage. Frankly, as a Public Communicator, I haven’t heard something like that before. Again, I feel so strongly that it won’t be proper for couples to be attending different churches. I also feel a woman should be submissive enough to let go of her faith once she is cling to a man. Please I want your opinion on this. Thanks a million. Share your view and advice for this man…. (Real life issues are posted on our blog with permission of the sender to encourage people to share their opinion and experiences. Please note that, professional counsel on issues relating to relationship, marriage and sex can be gotten at: http://instantcounseling.net/service/ )  

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SIMPLE PRACTICAL GUIDE TO GET OUT OF AN ADDICTIVE AFFAIR

  When an affair become addictive, it becomes a threat to the partner who has a committed marriage/relationship. When it gets to this level, the person who is having an affair might throw all cautions into the air and forget the consequences and impact of his action on his life, marriage , future and children. When it gets to this level, serious practical actions need to be taken. An affair is a very powerful addiction. The craving to be with the lover can be so intense that objective reality doesn’t have much of a chance. The fact that a spouse and children may be permanently injured by this cruel indulgence doesn’t seem to matter. All that matters is spending more time with the lover. That makes it an addiction. Even the one-night stand may be an addiction. It may not be an addiction to a particular lover, but it may still be an addiction—to one-night stands. In affairs that have low emotional attachment, the addiction is often to the act of having sex itself, rather than to a particular lover. The addition to one-night stands can also grow from a need to be continually assured of one’s attractiveness. People who indulge in such practices want to feel that they can have anyone they want, even that person over there sitting at the bar. These people who need constant reassurance of their attractiveness must learn some other way to gain that assurance—a way that does not destroy their marriage. The analogy between chemical addiction and an affair is striking. In both cases, the first step toward recovery is admitting that the addiction is self-destructive and harmful to those whom the addict cares for the most—his or her family. After recognizing the need to overcome the addiction, the next step is to suffer through the symptoms of withdrawal. Addicts are often admitted to a hospital or treatment program during the first few weeks of withdrawal to ensure total separation from the addicting substance. The way to overcome an addiction is tried and proven—abstain from the object of addiction. Alcoholics, for example, must completely avoid contact with any alcoholic beverage to gain control over their addictive behavior. They must avoid places where alcohol is likely to be found, such as bars and parties. They must even avoid friends who drink occasionally in their presence. They must surround themselves with an alcohol-free environment. In the same way, when a wayward spouse separates from the lover, extraordinary precautions must be taken to avoid all contact with the lover—for life. Checklist for How to End an Affair the Right Way: Total Separation from the Lover Wayward spouse should reveal the true information about the affair to the betrayed spouse. Wayward spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover again. Wayward spouse should write a letter to the lover ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse. Wayward spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover:Change jobs and relocate if necessaryBlock potential communication with the lover (change e-mail address and telephone, cell phone, and pager numbers; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers). Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent, and they make all financial decisions jointly). Don’t forget to schedule appointment with Dr. Tolu if you need a professional help to sort this out.

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CAUSES AND CURE OF PREMATURE EJACULATION

Introduction A lot of people are battling with premature ejaculation and so many has been deceived by various self acclaimed online solution providers, but knowing the truth that this condition is mostly psychological can help you to solve 50% of your problem. Follow me on this all revealing article about how you can help yourself out of this mess. What is premature ejaculation?  Premature ejaculation is, well, ejaculation that is premature – that is it occurs before a man wants it, or too quickly during intercourse to satisfy his partner. This, of course, is relative: what’s considered too quick for someone might be completely normal for others.   What is normal, then? Studies have shown that it is normal for men to have an orgasm and ejaculate within 2 to 3 minutes after penetrating the vagina. This is far quicker than what most men expect or wish (especially when comparing their performance against those adult film stars. That’s one reason why they’re in that business, folks).   There may also be an aspect of expectation on behalf of the man’s partner. Studies have suggested that most women climax after 10 to 15 minutes of intercourse. Keep in mind, however, that the majority of women (some say between 65 to 75%) are unable to reach orgasm by intercourse alone. Moreover, it is estimated that about 10% of women can’t reach orgasm at all!   Nevertheless, premature ejaculation exists and is actually a big problem for many men. Indeed, it is the number one sexual complaint among men under 50. Some will ejaculate immediately after erection, right before penetration, or just seconds after it.   What causes premature ejaculation?Most severe premature ejaculations are caused by biological factors – including urinary tract infections, so if this is your complaint, see a doctor.   Other causes include psychological factors, especially anxiety, stress, or guilt. Many premature ejaculation problems go away by themselves, as these underlying psychological factors disappear.   Lastly, drugs such as over the counter cold pills and cigarette smoking have been implicated as causing or contributing to premature ejaculation. If you smoke, consider this as yet another reason to quit (as if the other health dangers are not enough …) Are there drugs for premature ejaculation? Not officially, although serotonin uptake blockers or serotonin reuptake inhibitors used to treat depression have been used “off-label” to treat men with premature ejaculation. It is important to note that these drugs have not been indicated for this treatment, and therefore their use must only be prescribed by a knowledgeable physician. So, what can I do to last longer?Ten tips on how to eliminate premature ejaculations are given below. The easiest (and cheapest) things first … Stop and start technique This technique simply means to bring yourself to (near) the point of no return, and stopping all stimulation before it’s too late. For some men, this includes removal of the penis from the vagina, although for others this may not be necessary.   After the urgent feeling to ejaculate subsides, usually after 30 seconds, then thrusting and intercourse can be resumed. This stop and start technique can be repeated several times.   Communication is the key here, guys. Let your partner know that you are getting close to orgasm and to slow down or temporarily stop.   In addition to intercourse, the stop and start technique can also be practiced with your hand, with or without lubricant. Remember to breathe… Believe it or not, breathing deeply and relaxing your body during intercourse can help! This works best for premature ejaculation that is caused by anxiety or tension.   Because of its relaxing effect, some men report that drinking one (just one ,guys) glass of red wine before lovemaking can help.   For others, distracting oneself by thinking about other things like the office or football can also help to prevent premature ejaculation. Just remember not to think out loud!   The squeeze technique This technique involves gently squeezing the base or end of the penile shaft and stopping sexual stimulation until the urge to ejaculate passes. The squeezing can be done by either the man or his partner, and can be repeated until ejaculation is desired.   Wear a condom One of the most overlooked simple cures of premature ejaculation is to wear a condom. Besides being a good practice against sexually transmitted diseases and as a contraceptive, a condom can help reduce the sensation and thus prolong sex.   Get involved in foreplay Foreplay first a couple of hours before making love can result in the increased ability to last longer. Unfortunately, this often reduces the man’s desire for sex. Different sexual positions Some men reach orgasm and ejaculate faster in the traditional missionary position (man on top). These men may last longer when their partner is on top. Remember, however, that sexual position preference varies very widely.   Changing positions every so often can also help, perhaps by giving the man brief pauses during lovemaking every now and then.   Desensitizing cream Desensitizing cream works by lessening the sensation felt by men during intercourse. Although it lengthens staying power for many men, it comes with a price: most of these men said that the cream also makes sex less pleasurable.   Be sure to tell your partner that you are using desensitizing cream. Unfortunately, the dulling effect can also be transferred and felt by the woman, making it longer for her to reach orgasm (which may be one of the reasons a man feels he’s not lasting long enough in the first place!).   Pelvic muscle exercise Would you believe that an exercise usually reserved for incontinent women can help a man prevent premature ejaculation?   In a woman, pregnancy and childbirth are the main cause of the weakening of the pelvic floor muscle. This usually leads to female incontinence. The good news is that a simple pelvic muscle exercise (also called Kegel exercise) can help.   The same pelvic muscle is also involved

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5 THINGS THAT WOMEN HATE IN BED

I believe that none of men could possibly be proud of being called “boring lover”, and none of the women would like spend their lives or even just one night with a “stallion” with such a reputation. Therefore, we are here to help you with a several tips on how avoid such a “label” on your back. Here are five things that women really hate in their sex life:   Don’t be too careful The phrases like “can I?” are NOT sexy. They just kill the mood. A good lover knows how to let the woman know their next step and how to prepare her for it with no questions asked. Sometimes it is enough just to look in “undressing” way or a provocative touch your girlfriends’ body to give a signal for sex.   “Mechanical sex”Most women would agree that sex with no passion is boring, just a time spent with no particular reason. No woman wants to become an “inflatable woman” (perhaps only with a very little exception). I’m not saying that every sex you have has to be exclusively tremendous, but just don’t ignore the fact that every woman want to be a “woman” and it’s always a good idea to keep that in mind. Be sensitive and sometimes not just have sex, but also “make love” to her.   MonotonyIf your wife know every crack in your ceiling – you are in a huge trouble. But don’t panic yet. A simple change of a place will help you out. Try doing it in your bathroom, kitchen, your car or even on a beach (of course find a place with no viewers), the possibilities are endless. Turn on your imagination.   Moaning and talkingToo loud moaning as well as too quiet is irritating for women. The silence is also not an option. You have to play careful here. Try to find the “golden middle” and to express your feelings to your girlfriend but not to all the neighbors. Try not to use all the same words during the sex as well, try to find phrases how to say how sexy she looks, how great she is in bed you don’t have to repeat all the same three words, which we all are so afraid of.   Unwillingness to experiment don’t be afraid to experiment. Sex life does get boring, and there is a lot you can do about it. Try different positions, role-playing give a freedom to your fantasies. Do whatever you want to if your partner agrees with it, and if it would spice up your love life. Discuss you fantasies with your partner at the glass of a good wine, and you would be surprised how fast they can turn into reality.   These are the main guidelines how to improve your sex life. What I wanted to say here is that women do not seek Casanova in every man. They just want you to make an effort to your relationship.   Remember that opposite of “boring” is exiting and unexpected, so if you try from time to time to surprise your partner, you will not be in trouble.

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