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WHAT IS SEXUALITY Sexuality is a person’s sexual orientation and preference. Underline the word ORIENTATION and PREFERENCE. In other world i can say that your orientation determines your preference. Sexuality is beyond sex, sex is just a part of human sexuality. When you are trying to educate your children about this subject, concentrate on educating them on sexuality and not just sex, this is where most parents get it wrong. The fear of how do i discuss sex with a child is an issue, but if you start seeing this discussion at sexuality angle, it will help a great deal. Human being are sexual beings, because our sexuality is reflected in the way we do virtually everything, the way we talk, the way we shake, the way we relate with the opposite sex, the way we sit, the way we dress etc. Like I said before, sex is only a small part of who we are as sexual beings. Even people who are not having sex are sexual beings. And so there’s another word that you should know and use too. That word is sexuality. Here are some of the things that are included when we talk about sexuality: 1. Sexuality is much more than body parts and sex (though it includes these things, too). 2. Sexuality includes our gender identity (the core sense that we are female or male). 3. Sexuality includes gender role (the idea of how we should behave because we are a female or male). 4. Sexuality includes our sexual orientation (heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual): This is where a lot of people makes mistake and believe God made a mistake by creating them the way they are. The truth is anything beyond male and female is not of God. God made man in His image, male and female created HE them. (Genesis 5:2) 5. Sexuality includes how we feel about our bodies. We call that “body image,” and poor body image can have a profound effect on our ability to have healthy relationships. A person with poor body image may not think they deserve a good partner, and so they may be willing to settle for someone who will not respect them or who may even abuse them. 6. Sexuality includes our sexual experiences, thoughts, ideas, and fantasies. 7. Sexuality includes the way in which the media, family, friends, religion, age, life goals, and our self-esteem shape our sexual selves. 8. Sexuality includes how we experience intimacy, touch, love, compassion, joy, and sorrow. 9. We like this quote: “Sexuality is expressed in the way we speak, smile, stand, sit, dress, dance, laugh, and cry.” THE STAGES OF SEXUAL BEHAVIORS There are 4 phases of childhood sexual development. These are normal and harmless sexual behaviors expected from children at each stage of their developmental level. Just like every other part of growing up, some children mature sooner or later than others, but this will serve as a kind of guide so that as soon as you start noticing some abnormalities you swing to action. So, don’t be too worried if your child doesn’t act exactly as you’d expect. Children with developmental delays may not stick to these age guides. If you’re worried about anything you should speak to a health professional about it. STAGE 1: Infancy from 0 to 4 years Even at this stage, sexual behavior is beginning to emerge through actions like: kissing and hugging showing curiosity about private body parts talking about private body parts and using words like poo, willy and bum playing “house” or “doctors and nurses” type games with other children touching, rubbing or showing off their genitals as a comforting habit STAGE 2: Young children from 5 to 9 years As children get a little older they become more aware of the need for privacy while also: kissing and hugging showing curiosity about private body parts but respecting privacy talking about private body parts and sometimes showing them off trying to shock by using words like poo, willy and bum using swear and sex words they’ve heard other people say playing “house” or “doctors and nurses”-type games with other children touching, rubbing or showing off genitals as a comforting habit STAGE 3: Pre-adolescents from 10 to 12 years In this phase, children are getting more curious about sex and sexual behavior through: kissing, hugging and ‘dating’ other children being interested in other people’s body parts and the changes that happen in puberty asking about relationships and sexual behaviour looking for sexual pictures, including on the internet searching for information about sex online touching, rubbing or showing off genitals in private Dirty jokes STAGE 4: Adolescents from 13 to 16 years As puberty kicks in, sexual behaviour becomes more private with kissing, hugging, dating and forming longer-lasting relationships Being interested in and asking questions about body parts, relationships and sexuality Using sexual language and talking about sex with friends Looking for sexual pictures, including on the internet Searching for information about sex online Touching, rubbing or showing off genitals in private and experimenting sexually with the same age group. Dirty jokes DANGER SIGNS Sexualised behaviour which is significantly more advanced than you’d normally expect for a child of a particular age or which shows a lack of inhibition, could be a cause for concern. For example, a pre-school child who talks about sex acts or uses adult language or a 12 year old who touches or rubs his genitals in public. Other warning signs include: sexual interest in adults or children of very different ages to their own forceful or aggressive sexual behaviour compulsive habits reports from school that their behaviour is affecting their progress and achievement If you have any worries at all, even if you’re not sure, then it’s important that you act as soon as you possibly can. WHAT TO DO AS A PARENT Learning about sex and sexual behavior is a normal part of a child’s development. It will help them as they grow up, and

  Helo, pleases i need an advice, i have been in a relationship for about about nine months now, and am not loving the lady in question. All my effort to love her has proven abortive, thou I’m convinced she loves, but on my own part, I’m always sad whenever I’m with. Please what should i do, should i go and marry this lady that i dont love?

Once again, I’m glad you want to be at the first ever edition of Singles Time-Out With Dr. Tolu. I cant wait to have you on Sunday. I need you to look sharp and descent, its going to be an evening to remember. Dont foget the time is 6pm. And venue is: Intimacy Center 135, Ogunlana drive Surulere Lagos, its directly opposite Zenith bank. We’ve got alot of activities lined up for you. As you identify with this program, everything about you will start rfelecting excellence. Dont forget to prepare your questions. Dont come alone, come with your friends. Lets make this a lasting experience. Admission is free! Enquiries: 08184575377

Ever dreamed of having multiple dates one-after-the-other, all in one single night without getting disappointed or having a drink or two thrown in your face or throwing one yourself? This is where speed dating comes in. You get to meet people; more ladies and gentlemen than you would normally meet on a night out who are all ready and eager to find someone they are compatible with. There is no waste of time and meaningless conversation because you only have a short period of interaction to decide if you like someone and find out if there’s any chemistry there. Neat, huh? Not to mention fast and effective. At the very least, you get a fun night out filled with laughter and drinks as you fumble your way through 20+ introductions. So try speed dating to find your perfect match. Don’t forget to be part of the second edition of Intimate Solution Speed Dating. Those who witnessed the first edition can testify to the efficacy of speed dating. Come out and meet 40 marriage ready men/women at the same spot, make effort to get married this year. Remember only 40seats available, call now to block your seat : 08184575377. BBM: 2BEFE4A9

Please help me, my husband always want to make love to me, sometimes three times in a day. I’m tired and frustrated, even during my monthly period, he will still do it, I’ve totally lost interest in sex due to this his attitude, sometimes I bleed after he makes love to me, he’s a good man but this particular problem is making me to plan to leave him. As I speak now, my life is miserable, what can I do please?

Blow By Blow How To Give a Blow Job Simple Tips to Blow His Mind and Knock His Socks Off in the sack   How confident are YOU with your oral loving skills? Would you say, without hesitation, that you are a rockin’ sex kitten and you make your man’s eyes roll into the back of his head every time?   What do you think HE’D say?   Not so sure? Yeah, I get it. Read on…   There are plenty of ladies out there that are just kind of flying blindly when it comes to giving oral sex and plenty of guys who don’t tell them because they’re just so happy to be getting any at all!   Why not be SURE that you’re pleasing your man? You can definitely learn EVERYTHING (and I DO mean everything!) you need to know about giving mind- and body-blowing oral sex with the very hot guide Blow by Blow – trust me, once you read this you won’t want to wait to try out what you’ve learned!     As a sex columnist, the NUMBER ONE question I get from women is how to perform oral sex that will knock a man’s socks off… And the number one COMPLAINT I get from men is that their women don’t know what they’re doing “downtown.” Well, I’m going to share some simple tips you need to know that will keep your man worshipping the sex goddess that you are!     ENJOY WHAT YOU’RE DOING. This is the biggest one, ladies. Men say it’s hard to enjoy themselves when their lady seems bored, in a hurry or unsure how to give a blowjob. Can you blame him? This is his most sensitive part of his body that he’s entrusting… TO YOUR MOUTH! This is your chance to give pleasure to your man.   Think of this as one of the most passionate gifts you can give to him. So be enthusiastic about it! It’s time you let that inner sex kitten out and play. Be powerful, strong and sexy. Look at him while you’re pleasuring him, enjoy the fact that right at this moment, he’d hand over the keys to the castle. This is a powerful act for a woman and the time when a man is at his most vulnerable. Take your time, tease that naughty boy. Savor it.     THE WETTER, THE BETTER. Guys agree. The more saliva you use, the more enjoyable. Try and keep him very moist from the tip on down. This is not a time to act like Bree on “Desperate Housewives” and be anally neat. Get messy. Keep a glass of water on the nightstand. Use lubricant if you need to (although that that can taste like nasty old tires!) or experiment with some fun foods, like whipped cream or a lukewarm tea. Remember, you are simulating a very warm moist place… LEND A HELPING HAND. Or two. Don’t be afraid to use your hands. In fact, your hand should be a nice continuation of your mouth. Even feel free to add a gentle twist of the wrist to add to the pleasure. Think about all that pleasure that can come from a VARIETY of sensations. You need to combine your mouth, lips, tongue and hands. That beautiful combination of flickering tongue, moist lips, suctions, licking, wet hands, twists and more can send your man over the edge… BE BALLSY. The testicles are your friends, ladies. Treat them as such. Greet them warmly. One of the top complaints I hear from men is that their female counterparts would forget that they are a package deal. Three’s Company. Caress them with your spare hand tenderly, tickle and tease. REMEMBER WHAT YOU’RE HANDLING. There’s fine line between being firm and strangulation. Be mindful of the amount of pressure you’re using. Try and think what you would like, were the tables turned. You’re not strangling a dead chicken. NO TEETH. Seriously? Do I have to tell you this? The guys said YEAH I DO have to, because ladies out there are still playing human grater. YIKES! Keep the teeth outta sight. Sure some men like a VERY little sensation of teeth, but NOT many and if you aren’t really good at what you’re doing yet, then don’t scare the poor man. Keep those puppies away from him.   DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR COMMENTS. Don’t just hope for the best. If your man doesn’t seem to be over the moon – what? Is he in a coma? – then feel free to ask him if there is anything you could improve on. The whole idea is to give pleasure, as I’m SURE he will be doing in return. Communication can only make it better.    

  Am in love with my cousin and we have both had a blood oath, but now she says that we are done because she thinks that we cant work. The problem is that I can’t stop loving her no matter what I do or how hard I tried, what should i do please?

    A few years ago, my husband lost his job. Now he is so poor that he cannot feed the family. I am the one feeding him and our children with the little money which I make from my business. I sell drinks and pepper soup. One of my customers is a managing director of one big company. So I told him about my husband. I begged him to give my husband a job in his company. The man accepted to employ my husband. It is a very good job. My husband will be given a car and a salary of #300,000 monthly. But the man said he will employ my husband under one condition: I must have sex with him. He said if I agree to sleep with him just once only, he will employ my husband instantly but I should not tell my husband that he will sleep with me; we should just do it secretly and then he will employ my husband. He has already prepared my husband’s employment letter. In fact in my presence in his office, he told other staff that my husband will start working there soon. SHOULD I AGREE TO SLEEP WITH HIM? Note that my husband is very poor and jobless; and u know opportunity comes but once. Should I just sleep with this man in order to remove poverty from my husband’s life? I need your advice pls. Am in a tight corner now.

  Dr. Tolu, please help me, my husband is a sex addict,before we got married, we use to make love like nine times in a day, yes nine times, now we are married with two kids and he still want it like that,sometimes he wouldn’t even mind if the kids are around, it has become a big issue that I have to open up to his family who came to settle the issue, but to my surprise he was begging them that they should please make it four times per day. I wasn’t complaining b4, but I though he will outgrow it when he start having responsibilities but I’m surprised that he didn’t change, nothing matters to him except sex,I’m unhappy and sick now, what do I do?