SOLVING THE PUZZLE OF ORGASM

I get various questions on the topic, of orgasm. People have so many unanswered questions on their heads about the term orgasm, especially in this part of the world, where there is a very high level of ignorance. Some people have never heard of it, some heard and don’t really understand what it means and so many have never experienced it.

In fact, some men argued that women are not meant to enjoy sex, sex is meant for procreation they say. I remember someone posted during a debate on my Facebook page that our grandmothers never experienced an orgasm and they only made love to make their husbands happy, he also believed that the desire to be sexually satisfied is the reason why women are misbehaving these days, he cannot be farther from the truth but that is Africa mentality for you. 

From experience as a sex therapist and marriage counselor, I won’t be exaggerating if I say 4 out of 5 marriages in Nigeria are having sexual issues, and because men’s sexuality is attached to their ego, coupled with the cultural and religious values here, which assigned a gender role of superhuman to the male folks.

Even though the sexual relationship with one’s spouse should not be orgasm-based, It is the right of every woman to experience orgasm and besides one can only achieve a true level of physical and emotional sexual satisfaction through the experience called orgasm.

Even though it is possible for men not to ejaculate/reach orgasm, it is more of a woman’s problem, men worry more about quality than quantity.

Delayed ejaculation is a condition in which a man could sustain a prolonged erection without being able to ejaculate, this could be due to:

• Addiction to porn
• Addiction to masturbation
• Reaction to certain drugs
• Over-dependence on alcohol
• infection or certain health condition
• Psychological or relationship issues.

For the benefit of this topic, I will be talking more about female orgasms.

WHAT IS ORGASM?

The word orgasm comes from the Greek word orga, meaning to explode with pleasure. It’s the climax of sexual pleasure, arriving suddenly after stimulation, and lasting just a few seconds. 

Research shows that orgasm is the most intense form of pleasure that human beings can experience, wow! The sensual rush is followed by a period of relaxation, satisfaction, and calm. Sounds interesting right? Follow me, let’s solve the puzzle…..

 

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN ONE ACHIEVED ORGASM?

MEN: When men ‘come’ or Orgasm, they ejaculate and their pelvic muscles contract.

 

WOMEN: When women orgasm the clitoris retracts, the vagina, pelvic floor muscles, and uterus also contract in short bursts. 

A few women also secrete a whitish liquid during orgasm. This is known as ‘squirting,’ or female ejaculation. There is a possibility of feeling like you want to urinate during orgasm, never mistaken peeing with squirting.

 

COUPLES:  both partners’ heart rate will increase and blood vessels will dilate.

Physical pleasure leads to the release of endorphins that create feelings of relaxation and contentment.  Research shows that the hormone called oxytocin is released in large quantities during orgasm, this hormone is believed to promote bonding and hence monogamy in marriage.

In a layman’s language, orgasm is an unexplainable experience, I usually say it’s a moment of insanity when you get to the point of no return. Almost everyone who has ever had an orgasm knows how a man feels, when he wants to ejaculate, the truth is that a woman should feel the same way when she reaches orgasm as well.

 

POSSIBLE REASONS FOR NO ORGASM

•     Clueless about how to make love
•     Environmental distraction
•     Unresolved domestic issues
•     Lack of emotional connectivity
•     Hormonal issues
•     Lost of interest
•     Unresolved financial issues
•     Cultural or religious background 

HOW DOES ONE REACH ORGASM?

There are two ways through which one [both men and women] can achieve orgasm.

1. Foreplay: This is the sexual activity that precedes lovemaking; it includes gazing, touching, kissing, necking, pecking, undressing each other, licking, etc. The extent and level one can go during foreplay depends on individual moral and religious belief, but what matters here is mutual respect and understanding with the desire to satisfy and make each other happy. Note that you should not be compelled to do what you are not comfortable with, and in as much as it’s not against the will of God, satisfying your partner is paramount.

2. Penetration:  is principally the insertion and thrusting of a male’s penis, usually when erect, into a female’s vagina for the purposes of sexual pleasure or reproduction. Research shows that only about 20-25% of women will achieve orgasm through penetration and this most time depends on sex positions, so there’s a need to understand what position suits you best and if you have been trying to achieve orgasm through penetration without result, you are not alone.

VAGINA ORGASM AND CLITORAL ORGASM

 Even though descent research has found that there are other erogenous spots located inside the vagina of a woman, i shall be concentrating on the well-known vagina orgasm and clitoral orgasm.

1. Vagina orgasm is also known as G-spot orgasm can be achieved by the penis touching the G-spot inside the vagina, the g-spot is located at the roof of the vagina about 2 inches inside of the vagina. Easier to locate with the finger and could only be touched by the penis in certain sex positions. G-Spot orgasm is explosive and more intense than vagina orgasm. It formed a spongy look when aroused.

2. Clitoral stimulation: The clitoris is a small, sensitive organ located at the top of the vulva, just above the urethra and the vaginal opening. It’s the easiest way to achieve orgasm for those who understand how to handle the clitoris.(I shall be talking about the amazing facts about the clitoris next week).

HOW DOES ONE ACHIEVE ORGASM?

It is common knowledge that women are a lot less familiar with orgasm; this is due to various reasons like social pressure from times gone by, strict upbringings, religious background, taboo attitudes, and, for some women, lack of knowledge of their own bodies. Achieving orgasm has been a very big issue for a lot of couples, especially in this part of the world, how do you understand what you are clueless about its existence, and even if you know it exists, how do you get there when you don’t know what you want, and if you don’t know what you want, how will spouse help you to get there. The best way to reach this belt boom of orgasm is to completely know and understand your body.

Women have many pleasure sensors which, when correctly stimulated, will send you straight to seventh heaven – but you need to know where to find them! 

 

• Get to know your sensitive hot spots:

 

• Get familiar with the clitoris and understand how to handle it. The clitoris is a little ‘button’ situated between the folds of the labia at the front of your genitals. It’s easy to access and is very sensitive to touch.

 

• Understand how to get to the G-spot. The G spot is situated close to the bladder, behind the pubic bone and the urethra, about 4cm away from the entrance to your vagina.[ There has been a lot of argument about the true existence of the g-spot.]

 

• Some said it’s their breast, the back of the neck, the belly button, or even through kissing, the ultimate is understanding your hot spots.

 

• Discovering and Becoming familiar with your body will teach you what you like and you can direct your partner so he can give you maximum thrills.

FACTS

• Women can achieve multiple orgasms while men experience a refractory period after orgasm (a recovery phase during which no amount of stimulation can bring about an erection).

• Women can orgasm back to back but men need a moment of relaxation called the refractory period. Women can also squirt during the climax, squirting should not be mistaken for urine.

• If you make your love-making experience orgasm-based, you will be disappointed most time because of unfulfilled expectations. Being open and having the desire to be intimate with your partner should be the ultimate.

• There is a difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms, the latter being a lot more difficult to reach but it’s sad to know that some sexologists claim vaginal orgasms are a lot deeper and more intense than clitoral orgasms.

• Sex toys give amazing orgasms, but I’m worried about getting addicted and disappointed when expecting humans to perform like toys, as no human can give the level of vibration toys give, also the fact that toys won’t keep you warm or tell you sweet nothings.

• Some women are frigid and might need to see a counselor understand how to achieve orgasm. Book an appointment at www.intimacyclinic.org if you need help.