LOSS OF SEXUAL ATTRACTION IN MARRIAGE

I want to help you fix some of the sexual issues you might be facing in your marriage.
Cheating has become the order of the day and you will ask yourself why this is happening, amazingly, women are beating the men to it in today’s world.
Read this carefully
“We made love virtually everywhere when we first got married; in the car, couch, at the beach, in the bathroom, in fact, we had an unforgettable sexual escapade at the cinemas, we were sitted at the last row and I pulled up my skirt and sat on him and we had a quickie. I’m always horny and he is ever ready, at a point I did not have to put on underwear whenever we were together because in our heads we can make love at anytime and anywhere. I look back now and I wonder when those times will come back again.”
This was someone speaking to me and I wrote it down.
Most of the times, if you are following me you know I pick topics based on issues that are brought to my office so that if you are going through this problem in your life, you can have them solved.
This couple was so into each other that they had to have sex in the cinema (that’s some wild move) and then all of a sudden they lost that spark. This same woman will climb her husband, walk around naked, caress him, nothing worked for him; no erection, but this same man goes out there and meets another woman and boom he gets an erection even without the lady saying anything.
This is a very common issue I have noticed over time especially with people in long term committed relationship. If you are in this kind of relationship, the possibility that you’ve noticed this once or twice is very high. The story you just read might look pathetic but this is the case of most marriages.
This is just not about men, it might be the other way round but in this part of the world, women are rather more silent.
As a woman, you might look at your husband and feel irritated and certainly not aroused but when you go out there and meet some other men, in no time you feel aroused, what we say as ‘being wet’. I have had a couple of women come to me saying ‘Dr. Tolu, I don’t know what is wrong with me , immediately I saw him I became wet and all I wanted was for him to make love to me.’
Loss of Sexual attraction should not be mixed up with Sexual dysfunction like frigidity or erectile dysfunction etc. Unfortunately, they are interwoven but they are entirely different because we can not say a man that doesn’t feel an erection with his wife but feels erection with somebody else has erectile dysfunction or a woman that is not aroused by her husband but gets wet by merely hugging some other guy is frigid.
Another complicated part of loss of sexual attraction is that it has nothing to do with love. You can be in love with a person and not be sexually attracted to that person. You might even wish to have sex with him/her but you find that it is not working, you are not attracted.
So, what is going on? What happens? Because this is your wife/husband and at the initial stage, you will see her/him and feel erection/aroused but now you even see her/him naked and you are not moved. Some people say, oh, it’s because men are polygamous in nature but the question we will ask is, are women polygamous in nature too? But this happens to women too. What is then the problem?
I will always tell people that Love could be blind but marriage is an eye-opener because responsibilities would come up and this is when you know if your marriage can stand the test of time.
CAUSES OF LOSS OF SEXUAL ATTRACTION IN MARRIAGE
1. Loss of the hunting nature in men
Men want to hunt. They want to look for their prey and capture it. It feels their Ego. Men can fantasize about sex a lot; he would strategize about the right way to get his prey. It gives him fulfillment and joy.
At the end of the day if he is able to capture that which he is looking for and it becomes his own and keeps it in his home. With the sex, a man knowing that he could get sex whenever he wants could affect the sexual attraction in the home. This nature is affected when there is nothing to look out for anymore.
When your boobs and vagina are easily available, the man looses his hunting spirit. It reduces the desire.
For so many women, you just walk around naked, he sees everything each time, your man will have nothing to look out for and he looses his desire to have sex with you.
Your breast is not something that should be everywhere; your breast should not be easily accessible. Let your private be private, it shouldn’t be public.

In this article, I will like to help you fix some of the sexual issues you might be facing in your marriage. Things have gotten so bad in today’s marriage that cheating has become the order of the day and one can only keep asking why this is happening. Cheating used to be a man thing, amazingly, women are beating the men to it in today’s world.

Read this carefully

“We made love virtually everywhere when we first got married; in the car, couch, at the beach, in the bathroom, in fact, we had an unforgettable sexual escapade at the cinemas, we were sitting at the last row and I pulled up my skirt and sat on him and we had a quickie. I’m always horny and he is ever ready, at a point I did not have to put on underwear whenever we were together because in our heads we can make love at anytime and anywhere. I look back now and I wonder when those times will come back again.” This was someone speaking to me and I wrote it down.

If you have been following my TV and Radio Show, you will understand that i just dont discuss topics at random, I usually pick topics based on issues that are brought to my office, and my day to day experience with clients, so that if you are going through this problem in your life, you can have them solved.

The couple above were so into each other that they had to have sex in the cinema (that’s some wild move) and then all of a sudden they lost that spark. Same woman that get her man’s erection at will at the begining of the relationship is no longer attractive enough to give him a hard on. Even if she climb her husband, walk around naked, caress him….. nothing seems to be working for him anymore; no erection! Funny enough, this same man goes out there and meets another woman and boom! he gets an erection even without the lady saying anything or making any special move.

This is a very common issue I have noticed over time especially with people in long term committed relationship. If you are in this kind of relationship, the possibility that you’ve noticed this once or twice is very high. The story you just read might look pathetic but this is the case of most marriages. This is just not about men, it might be the other way round but in this part of the world, women are rather more silent.

As a woman, you might look at your husband and feel irritated and certainly not aroused but when you go out there and meet some other men, in no time you feel aroused, what we say as ‘being wet’. I have had a couple of women come to me saying ‘Dr. Tolu, I don’t know what is wrong with me , immediately I saw him I became wet and all I wanted was for him to make love to me.’

Loss of Sexual attraction should not be mixed up with Sexual dysfunction like frigidity or erectile dysfunction etc. Unfortunately, they are interwoven but they are entirely different because we can not say a man that doesn’t feel an erection with his wife but feels erection with somebody else has erectile dysfunction or a woman that is not aroused by her husband but gets wet by merely hugging some other guy is frigid.

Another complicated part of loss of sexual attraction is that it has nothing to do with love. You can be in love with a person and not be sexually attracted to that person. You might even wish to have sex with him/her but you find that it is not working, you are not attracted.

So, what is going on? What happens? Because this is your wife/husband and at the initial stage, you will see her/him and feel erection/aroused but now you even see her/him naked and you are not moved. Some people say, oh, it’s because men are polygamous in nature but the question we will ask is, are women polygamous in nature too? But this happens to women too. What is then the problem?

I will always tell people that Love could be blind but marriage is an eye-opener because responsibilities would come up and this is when you know if your marriage can stand the test of time. Maybe, the reality of marriage is dawning on you and sex is gradually taking the back stage, follow me as i expose the few possible reasons you might be loosing it….

1. Loss of the hunting nature in men: Men want to hunt. They want to look for their “prey” and capture it. It feels their Ego. Men can fantasize about sex a lot; he would strategize about the right way to get his prey. It gives him fulfillment and joy. At the end of the day if he is able to capture that which he is looking for and it becomes his own and keeps it in his home. With the sex, a man knowing that he could get sex whenever he wants could affect the sexual attraction in the home. This nature is affected when there is nothing to look out for anymore. When your boobs and vagina are easily available, the man looses his hunting spirit. It reduces the desire. For so many women, who just walk around naked leaving nothing for the imagination, and make your man sees everything, after sometime, the man will have nothing to look out for and might looses his desire to have sex with you. Your breast is not something that should be everywhere; your breast should not be easily accessible. Let your private be private, it shouldn’t be public. Even to your husband, learn to make him look forward to seeing them.

2. Sex becomes a chore instead of pleasure: thi sis very common when you stop putting your best in the act, resulting into missing the benefits, because when it comes to wow lovemaking, what you give is what you get. For some people when they are stressed up, they wish to have sex with their spouse and feel good and have the ‘feel good’ hormones; estrogen and testosterone flying everywhere, while some people see sex as a problem. As soon as sex becomes a chore to you, you start losing attraction, imagine wanting to make love to your spouse and you are thinking ‘wahala’, you automatically feel less attracted. Imagine when you know that before you can set your wife on fire you have to do a lot of foreplay to make her wet, you start to see this has stress; you automatically loose the sexual attraction for your wife. Sex a lot of the time has to do with the mind. Sex should be pleasurable and not be seen as a chore.

3. Over Familiarity: When you get too familiar with your spouse, you might loose attraction and this is why people that know how to manage long distant relationship last longer (although there is no fixed side to a coin). The same men you disrespect at home goes out there and see young girls doing anything to have sex with him same with the husband that disrespects his wife.

4. Boring and Monotonous sex life: The same old style, the same bedroom, the same place makes the sex boring. You should not be married for a long time and not record making love outside the bedroom. For once, leave your bed room and have sex in your sitting room even in a hotel or somewhere else aside the same old bedroom. Go for destination lovemaking, use your freezer and staircase when the kids are not around, try shower sex, introduce new styles or else, it becomes boring and there will be nothing to look forward to.

5. Performance pressure: The fear of performance is the number one killer of erection. For some, performance pressure developed out of unreal expectations. For example, you loose sexual attraction when you are addicted to pornography and expect your spouse to behave like those people you see on screen. Your spouse starts trying hard to live up to standard leading to performance pressure and eventual loss of interest.

6. Low self esteem: This is similar to my number five. Body shaming can be a serious challenge especially with women. If you look at your wife and all you see is the saggy breast, stretch marks, big tummy you might loose the attraction. If you see your husband and start to imagine all the wrong things about him, there is a very high possibility that you won’t be aroused by that man.- The Fixer.

2. Sex becomes a chore instead of pleasure
For some people when they are stressed up, they wish to have sex with their spouse and feel good and have estrogen and testosterone flying everywhere while some people see sex as a problem.
As soon as sex becomes a chore to you, you start losing attraction, imagine wanting to make love to your spouse and you are thinking ‘wahala’, you automatically feel less attracted.
Imagine when you know that before you can set your wife on fire you have to do a lot of foreplay to make her wet, you start to see this has stress; you automatically loose the sexual attraction for your wife. Sex a lot of the time as to do with the mind. Sex should be pleasurable and not be seen as a chore

3. Over Familiarity
When you get too familiar with your spouse, you might loose attraction and this is why people that know how to manage long distant relationship last longer (although there is no fixed side to a coin). The same men you disrespect at home goes out there and see young girls doing anything to have sex with him same with the husband that disrespects his wife.
When sex is boring

4. A routine sex life; the same old style, the same bedroom, the same place makes the sex boring. You should not be married for a long time and not record making love outside the bedroom. For once, leave your bed room and have sex in your sitting room even in a hotel or somewhere else aside the same old bedroom

5. Performance pressure
You loose sexual attraction when you are addicted to pornography and expect your spouse to behave like those people you see on screen. Your spouse starts trying hard to live up to standard and as soon as you start to have performance pressure you loose the attraction.

6. Low self esteem
This is similar to my number five. Body shaming can be a serious challenge especially with women. If you look at your wife and all you see is the saggy breast, stretch marks, big tummy you might loose the attraction. If you see your husband and start to imagine all the wrong things about him, there is a very high possibility that you won’t be aroused by that man.

Dr. Tolu