HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF

People makes resolutions at the beginning of every new year; Plans on dos and don’ts, dreams and aspirations, targets and goals etc. Infact goal setting is usually a popular phrase at the beginning of the year. All these are good but the truth is that you cannot give what you do not have.

You are the carrier of your dreams, the engine house that drives your ambition and the container that carries your aspiration, if you do not go through the journey of self discovery and be sure you’re capable of carrying what you hoped for, forget it.

New year resolution should be about self discovery, about getting to know more about yourself, a deeper understanding of your self worth, self perception and self belief. No one can see you better than yourself and you can never achieve beyond what your mind perceives about you.

If you are considering a new relationship, you had better known whom you are and the kind of person your personality deserves. If it’s about job, business or personal growth, wish all you can, set the most reasonable goals, spend days on the mountain and even fast for unending number of days, you cannot achieve beyond your capability. With this in mind, isn’t it important you work on yourself and prepare a worthy container that is capable of carrying your dreams? The way to do this is to love yourself. When you love yourself, you celebrate your little wins and have a clear direction on how to achieve the big ones. So how do you love yourself?

1. Find you: Who are you, what motivates you, why do you think the way you do, how do you even think, what are your strengths and weaknesses, what area of your life do you need to work on, what are your values, beliefs and self perception? How self aware are you? You need to understand yourself, only then can you put things in perspective and be genuinely convinced of how much love you think you deserves.

2. Find your passion: You can have all the money on earth and still not be happy, but when you find that one thing that gives use inner fulfilment as well as makes you feel good, you become proud of yourself at every wins and you tends to love yourself more. Your passion is connected to your mental health, there’s tendency to be happy and fulfilled when you’re doing what you love to do, again, they come so easy for you to do and that gives you a level of self confidence that boost your self worth and then self love.

3. Stop trying hard to please people: This is not to be nonchalant or insensitive, far from it, but the point here is to know who deserves your loyalty and the privilege of being in your space. The truth is, peoples’ perception about you has nothing to do with you, it’s not whom you are, they actually see you based on whom they are. So, no matter how hard you try to make yourself look small, it won’t change their mind about you. You want to love yourself? Don’t force yourself on anyone.

4. Practice meditation and mindfulness: As much as this sounds like what everyone does, if you take your mediation and mindfulness seriously, the way you see yourself will begin to change for better. There are different ways to practice meditation and mindfulness, find a simple steps to follow online and personalise it. Meditation, they say, is better than medication.

5. Work on your Impostor’s  Syndrome: One study in the Harvard Business Review found that nearly 70% of people associate recognition with discomfort or embarrassment. You cannot afford to keep running away from accolades or think you’re not good enough for the position you occupy. You have worked hard for it, and you deserve all the recognition that comes along with it.

6. Improve on your poise and carriage: Raise your should high when you walk in the midst of crowd, keep a direct gaze when having conversations and avoid laughing unnecessarily. Do not try to shrink inside yourself  when you’re not in your space.

7. Be genuine and reliable: As much as you do not want to be taken for granted, also make sure that your words are your bonds. Do not say what you don’t mean or commit to something you know you can’t finish. Be nice to people because those smiles you leave on their faces has a way of coming back to you.

8. Live Healthy: Eat right, exercise well, go outdoor, drink a lot of water and find a hubby. Do not live carelessly. Be deliberate about living a healthy lifestyle and it will come back to you by making you feel good about yourself.

9. Learn to say No: For so many of us, we have been conditioned to be docile and compliant right from childhood. A lot grew up in dysfunctional family settings where you dare not ask questions, you just obey. The tendency to carry this trait to adulthood is very high, and this is why most people are full of regrets and self blamed after taking certain actions, a situation that won’t stop them from repeating the circle again and again. You want to grow deeper in self love, learn to say no, even if you have to do it with explanation.

10. Learn to date yourself: Go to the cinema alone, go do fine dinning on your own, take a walk and enjoy your own space. When you don’t enjoy time alone with yourself, you tends to search for love and companionship in all the wrong places.

11. Stop the comparison: No one is you, stop trying hard to be a duplicate of another. Find your own unique self and concentrate on developing that. There are lots of capacity in you that are untapped because you’re busy trying to be whim you’re not.

12. Make Love: Sex is a great way to show a deeper sense of love to yourself, wether it’s solo or partnered, just make sure it’s with someone you genuinely care about and that the person also respect and care about you in return. Casual and unsafe sex are not good for you, you feel worse about yourself after the act, rather than love yourself. Passionate lovemaking in an emotionally intense atmosphere leaves you with some feel good vibes about yourself.

13. Take care of your look: Dress well, smell nice and look good. When you look good, you actually feel good as well. Take time to work on your look not because you want to impress anyone but because you deserve it.

14. Feel your feelings: Don’t  repress your emotions, deny or try to shy away from them. If you love someone, show it, if you feel sad, it’s okay, if you feel overwhelmed, it’s also not out of place. Stop trying to push your emotions away, it’s part of being human.

15. Talk to a Therapist: Therapy is not motivation, it involves working through a journey of self awareness, self discovery and self actualisation. If you haven’t resolved your childhood traumas, you might not have the capacity to do most of the things I listed above. Do not walk the journey of life alone, cultivate the habit of walking with your therapist in 2022.