HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF

 

People make resolutions at the beginning of every new year; Plans on dos and don’ts, dreams and aspirations, targets and goals, etc. Goal setting is usually a popular phrase at the beginning of the year. All these are good but the truth is that you cannot give what you do not have.

You are the carrier of your dreams, the engine house that drives your ambition, and the container that carries your aspiration, if you do not go through the journey of self-discovery and be sure you’re capable of carrying what you hoped for, forget it.

New Year’s resolution should be about self-discovery, about getting to know more about yourself, and a deeper understanding of your self-worth, self-perception, and self-belief. No one can see you better than yourself and you can never achieve beyond what your mind perceives about you.

If you are considering a new relationship, you had better know who you are and the kind of person your personality deserves. If it’s about a job, business, or personal growth, with all you can, set the most reasonable goals, spend days on the mountain, and even fast for an unending number of days, you cannot achieve beyond your capability. 

With this in mind, isn’t it important you work on yourself and prepare a worthy container that is capable of carrying your dreams? The way to do this is to love yourself. When you love yourself, you celebrate your little wins and have a clear direction on how to achieve the big ones. So how do you love yourself?

1. Find “You”: Who are you, what motivates you, why do you think the way you do, how do you even think, what are your strengths and weaknesses, what area of your life do you need to work on, what are your values, beliefs, and self-perception? How self-aware are you? You need to understand yourself, only then can you put things in perspective and be genuinely convinced of how much love you think you deserve.

2. Find your passion: You can have all the money on earth and still not be happy, but when you find that one thing that gives use inner fulfillment as well as makes you feel good, you become proud of yourself for every win and you tend to love yourself more. Your passion is connected to your mental health, there’s a tendency to be happy and fulfilled when you’re doing what you love to do, again, they come so easy for you to do, and that gives you a level of self-confidence that boosts your self-worth and then self-love.

3. Stop trying hard to please people: This is not to be nonchalant or insensitive, far from it, but the point here is to know who deserves your loyalty and the privilege of being in your space. The truth is, people’s perception of you has nothing to do with you, it’s not who you are, they actually see you based on whom they are. So, no matter how hard you try to make yourself look small, it won’t change their mind about you. Do you want to love yourself? Don’t force yourself on anyone.

4. Practice meditation and mindfulness: As much as this sounds like what everyone does, if you take your meditation and mindfulness seriously, the way you see yourself will begin to change for the better. There are different ways to practice meditation and mindfulness, find simple steps to follow online and personalize them. Meditation, they say, is better than medication.

5. Work on your Impostor’s  Syndrome: One study found that nearly 70% of people associate recognition with discomfort or embarrassment. You cannot afford to keep running away from accolades or think you’re not good enough for the position you occupy. You have worked hard for it, and you deserve all the recognition that comes along with it.

6. Improve your poise and carriage: Raise your shoulders high when you walk into a room or amid the crowd, keep a direct gaze when having conversations, and avoid laughing unnecessarily. Do not try to shrink inside yourself when you’re not in your space.

7. Be genuine and reliable: As much as you do not want to be taken for granted, also make sure that your words are your bonds. Do not say what you don’t mean or commit to something you know you can’t finish. Be nice to people because those smiles you leave on their faces have a way of returning to you.

8. Live Healthy: Eat right, exercise well, go outdoors, drink a lot of water, and find a hubby. Do not live carelessly. Be deliberate about living a healthy lifestyle and it will come back to you by making you feel good about yourself.

9. Learn to say No: For so many of us, we have been conditioned to be docile and compliant right from childhood. A lot grew up in dysfunctional family settings where you dare not ask questions, you just obey. The tendency to carry this trait to adulthood is very high, and this is why most people are full of regrets and self-blamed after taking certain actions, a situation that won’t stop them from repeating the circle again and again. You want to grow deeper in self-love and learn to say no, even if you have to do it with explanation.

10. Learn to date yourself: Go to the cinema alone, go do fine dining on your own, take a walk, and enjoy your own space. When you don’t enjoy time alone with yourself, you tend to search for love and companionship in all the wrong places.

11. Stop the comparison: No one is you, stop trying hard to be a duplicate of another. Find your unique self and concentrate on developing that. There are lots of capacities in you that are untapped because you’re busy trying to be whim you’re not.

12. Make Love: Sex is a great way to show a deeper sense of love to yourself, whether it’s solo or partnered, make sure it’s with someone you genuinely care about and that the person also respects and cares about you in return. Casual and unsafe sex is not good for you, you feel worse about yourself after the act, rather than love yourself. Passionate lovemaking in an emotionally intense atmosphere leaves you with some feel-good vibes about yourself.

13. Take care of your look: Dress well, smell nice, and look good. When you look good, you feel good as well. Take time to work on your look not because you want to impress anyone but because you deserve it.

14. Feel your feelings: Don’t repress your emotions, deny or try to shy away from them. If you love someone, show it, if you feel sad, it’s okay, if you feel overwhelmed, it’s also not out of place. Stop trying to push your emotions away, it’s part of being human.

15. Evaluate your values: What are your values, and how did you acquire those values, if you do not have clear values, the tendency to easily compromise is very high, clear values help you to sustain integrity and maintain your worth. Without clear values, you can easily digress into what is against your values leading to unhappiness and inability to love yourself.

16. Challenge Your Irrational thoughts: No matter how beautiful, intelligent, handsome, capable, and strong some people are, they will never acknowledge it due to their limiting beliefs, no one can see you better than you see yourself, but if childhood trauma and faulty conditioning have been part of your developmental stages, the possibility that you cannot love yourself is very high so the first step to loving yourself is to resolve the negative voices in your head that is telling you that you cannot do it.

17. Keep a journal: whether a gratitude or progress journal, keep a journal to remind you of your little wins and how far you have come, this way you can recognize your strength and show yourself some love that you deserve.

18. Learn New Things: Setting a new goal for yourself and being able to achieve it comes with a level of fulfillment and happiness, you should do this intermittently. Some feel-good hormones are released into your system when you delve into a new adventure. Whether it is taking up a new course, learning a new sport, or handwork, learning new things will help you to love yourself more.

19. Discover yourself: Self-discovery is the major ingredient of self-growth; it’s a journey that takes you through the journey of self-actualization, helping you to be more self-aware to own your power, knowing your true potential, and understand your feelings, preferences, style, motives, and more.

20. Talk to a Therapist: It is surprising to see people think they can do life alone without talking to a therapist, especially for people who grew up in an environment plagued with serious childhood trauma and unhealthy family dynamics.  Therapy is not motivation, it involves working through a journey of self-awareness, self-discovery, and self-actualization. If you haven’t resolved your childhood traumas, you might not have the capacity to do most of the things I listed above. Do not walk the journey of life alone, cultivate the habit of walking with your therapist in the new year. At The Intimacy Clinic, we not only help you resolve your troubling relationship, sexual, and marital issues, but we also help you work on your mind to become a better version of yourself, book an appointment HERE